Take Me To Church
My lover's got humour
She's the giggle at a funeral
Knows everybody's disapproval
I should've worshiped her sooner
Zac rolled his eyes as he sat on his back porch smoking a cigarette. It was night time and Kate was upstairs putting the children to bed while he sat out here stealing a few moments to himself. A few moments that seemed to be rare to get anymore..except when he was with him..then life was okay. Life would always be okay when he was with him.
"Zac?" Kate's voice asked breaking Zac out of his thoughts and he turned to look at his wife. As he did he could see the disapproval in her brown eyes. She didn't like it when he smoked. Though she had a better tolerance for him smoking cigarettes than when he smoked weed. "The kids are in bed. Are you going to come inside anytime soon?"
Zac shook his head, "I just need a few minutes to myself," he told his wife as he tried to give her a genuine smile before putting the cigarette to his lips again. "I'll be in after I finish smoking," he sighed as he moved the cigarette away and blew out the smoke watching as the white particles melted into the night air much like he melted every time he is touched by the person who he truly wanted to be with right now.
Kate sighed and walked to sit down next to Zac, "Are you okay?" she asked him and Zac swore he could feel her eyes boring into him as if she was trying to see into his soul and see just how twisted she was. Zac was sure if she knew she wouldn't be here right now. She wouldn't be his wife anymore. She would take their children and run.
"Why wouldn't I be okay?" Zac asked as he turned to look at her and the moment their eyes met he felt a cold chill run down his back. The look she was giving him said everything. She somehow knew, she just knew that he wasn't and she probably knew why too.
"I found the letters," Kate spoke and not once did she look away from Zac, a fact that surprised him. "The ones from him," she nodded putting an emphasis on her last words. "You do know you can never be with him. Just think about the scandal? The fans would go wild. The band would end...your family would be disappointed. God would be disappointed."
Zac laughed bitterly when she mentioned God, "Fuck God," he muttered honestly as he finished his cigarette and looked away from her. "Fuck God and Fuck you," he stated as he stood up and walked inside leaving Kate behind on the porch. He knew his words were harsh but her words had been judgmental and they had stung him to his core. They were the reasons why he could never be with who he loved and he hated that and he hated Kate for reminding him.
If the heavens ever did speak
She's the last true mouthpiece
Every Sunday's getting more bleak
A fresh poison each week
Zac chewed his lip as he stood outside the kitchen as he listened to Kate talking to Natalie. It had been a week since the incident on the porch and since then he had been doing everything he could to avoid his wife and she too had been avoiding him. The only time they ever saw each other was during dinner, something they did for the kids benefit.
"I tell you Nat, I'm afraid my marriage is ending," Kate sighed a frown playing on her lips as she turned to look at Natalie. "Zac, he is just so distant and he is angry about the fact that I confronted him on the letters I found. The letters that prove he has been cheating on me with him..." she said as she let her voice trail off as she poured Natalie a cup of tea.
Natalie scrunched up her nose at Kate's words, "I'm sorry," she apologized as she shook her head. "I just I can't believe Zac would cheat on you and with another man," she said as she continued to shake her head. "If I ever found out Taylor was cheating on me with another man I'd probably have a breakdown," she said as she gave Kate a sympathetic smile when Kate brought her cup of tea to the kitchen table. "I doubt your marriage is ending though Katie. I mean Zac knows if he leaves you his family will wonder why and then he'll have to tell them about his relationship with that guy and he knows he'll be disowned. Hell he knows it would ruin the band too. I mean the fans would be so disgusted."
"Tell me about," Kate nodded as she sat down across from Natalie at the table. "I tried to tell Zac that. I even told him God would be disappointed in him and he said fuck god and fuck me," she repeated his words making a face as she did so. "Since then we haven't seen much of each other this week and he didn't come to church today. The priest asked where he was and I had to tell him some lie. I hate having to lie but I can't tell anyone the real reasons. I can't tell them my husband didn't come because I confronted on him about being with another man..about being a..a faggot," she finished whispering the last word like she was ashamed to even associate it with Zac.
Natalie cringed when she heard the last word fall from Kate's mouth, "Are you sure you want to associate that word with Zac?" she asked warily. "I mean he's only been with one man. It's still wrong yes but that doesn't mean he could be fully gay," she said trying to add some hope to her friend's dire marriage problems.
"How do I know this man is his first?" Kate asked as she cocked an eyebrow up. "I know we've been together since he was a teenager but how can I trust him when he has broken every bit of trust I had for him?" she asked as she kept her eyebrow raised. "He's not the man I fell in love with or married."
"Then why are you staying with him?" Natalie asked as she took a sip of her tea.
Looking down Kate just stared into her tea cup as if it held all the answers she was looking for, "Because I want everyone to think I have the perfect life. I can't fail at that and I don't want to see Zac's life ruined when people ask him why we aren't together and he has to cop to being gay. I will settle for a loveless marriage if it protects the both of us..and if I hate the man my husband is behind closed doors."
"You don't hate him," Natalie said as she shook her head and took a sip of her tea.
"But I do," Kate replied her voice so serious. "He's sick and he needs help for his sins but I don't think he wants them," she said as her voice cracked and tears went down her cheeks.
As Kate started to cry, Zac walked away from the scene in the kitchen and he went downstairs to the basement where his music room was. He couldn't lie, hearing Kate call him sick and say she hated him made him hurt yet again but he knew she was right. He was sick and he knew she wouldn't be the only one who thought that way. His parents would...the church he had joined a few years back would...maybe even his fans would.
'We were born sick,' you heard them say it
Sitting in Taylor's car a few days later Zac tried to fight back tears as he looked down at his hands, "How do you do it?" he asked Taylor curiously. "How do you keep your secret about your sexuality from your wife? How do you act okay knowing everyone would hate you if they knew?"
"Because I know that regardless of what they think they are wrong," Taylor answered and when Zac looked back up at Taylor he did his best to smile. "Is this because Kate found your letters from him? Did she say something to you?"
Zac nodded as he ran a hand through his hair, "I'm guessing Nat told you about her finding the letters?"
"Yeah, she also said it was causing problems but she didn't state what kind," Taylor confirmed. "Natalie's always vague on what Kate tells her I think because she knows I don't approve of her and Kate gossiping about us to each other."
"Kate told Natalie she hated me," Zac revealed feeling sick as he repeated what she said. "She hates the man I am and she thinks I'm sick because I prefer to fuck a man. She thinks I'm sick and she hates me yet she'll stay married to me just so she can have her perfect life."
Taylor's eyes widened at Zac's words, "And did Natalie agree?" he asked and Zac raised an eyebrow hearing a hint of fear in Taylor's voice at that question. "It's not like we talk about this stuff at home. I mean Natalie never believes I'm gay even if half our fan base does. She laughs at the rumors or even the gay fanfics she comes across."
"Natalie tried to change her mind when she called me a faggot but she said she ever found out you were gay that she'd have a breakdown," Zac shrugged feeling bitter right now. "They'll never accept us Taylor. We were born sick and we'll never be accepted and I'm sick of feeling dirty and wrong for how I feel and at the same time I want to run and hide."
Pulling Zac into a hug Taylor sighed, "You aren't dirty for how you feel," he said as he kissed Zac's cheek. "Scott had to keep telling me that numerous times when we first got together."
"I never knew you used to feel this way," Zac mused as he let Taylor comfort him. It was nice to indulge in it and also at least have one person his side in his family. Someone who sympathize with him. "Did Scott's words make it stop?"
Taylor shook his head, "No but they helped some. What made it stop was when I learned to love myself and accepted myself for what I was..gay. Now I'm happy and I'm with Cade and even if I have to hide that part of me I'm still okay because I love who I am."
Zac nodded though he wasn't sure he believed that, mainly because if Taylor was really so comfortable he wouldn't have been afraid when he asked if Natalie had agreed with Kate.
My Church offers no absolutes.
She tells me, 'Worship in the bedroom.'
The only heaven I'll be sent to
Is when I'm alone with you--
Sitting in the basement that night after his talk with Taylor, Zac looked up from the notebook where he was writing song lyrics and he watched as Kate came down the stairs. When she reached the bottom he could see an envelope in her hand and he raised an eyebrow. "Is that for me?" he asked trying to keep his voice calm when he just wanted to be harsh with her.
"It's from him," Kate confirmed as she walked closer and handed the envelope to Zac. "I already opened it and read it," she confessed a blush creeping onto her cheeks which usually resembled porcelain because of how pale she was. "He's coming to town in September and he wants you there."
Zac glared as he took the envelope from Kate, "You had no right to read it," he told her as he opened the envelope and took the paper out. Reading over it he saw that Kate was right. "I think I will go," he nodded as he looked up at his wife who had been just standing there and watching as he read. He knew she was only waiting for his answer so that she could confront him.
"How can you want to go?" Kate asked her voice sounding appalled. A fact that didn't shock Zac. "You could be found out Zachary. Do you really want that? What's going to happen to you if people find out?"
"I don't know," Zac admitted honestly as he shrugged. "But I'm sure it'd beat being stuck in a loveless marriage with a woman who hates me," he said as he closed his notebook and stood up. "Hell I'd rather be with him because being with him is better than ever being with you," he admitted as he turned to walk away from Kate and head upstairs.
Zac could hear footsteps behind him and he knew his wife was following, "You don't mean that. You care too much what people think about you. If you didn't you would have left me when you first got with him. You've been with him since 2012 and it's now 2014."
Turning to look at Kate briefly Zac smiled slightly, "Maybe back then I cared but I'm not sure if I do now," he said as he remembered what Taylor told him in the car. He had to love himself and he could start doing that. He had too or he'd be in this endless trap forever.
I was born sick,
But I love it
Command me to be well
Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen.
After that night time for Zac seemed to fly by and before he knew it September had arrived and it was the night of the concert. A concert he should have been at but at the last minute he had chickened out. He had gotten into an argument with Kate, something they seemed to be doing a lot anymore and she had hit a nerve. She hit a nerve so bad and all of his insecurities that he had tried to forget just came flying out of him and back onto the surface again.
"I'm glad you decided not to go," Kate spoke and Zac turned to look at her from where he was standing at the kitchen sink. "Maybe now you've realized how sick it is to want to be with another man. Maybe we can put this behind us and you can start coming to church again and we can build our family and marriage back up again."
Zac frowned as Kate spoke and he looked down at the necklace around his neck. The one where he still wore his wedding band. It was almost like a heavy burden to him. A cross of shame he had to wear and pretend like he liked to wear it. "It's not sick," he muttered as he corrected Kate. "And even if it was I don't care because I love it...I love him and just because I didn't go tonight, that doesn't change the fact that I want him still."
"Then why didn't you go? Why stay because I confronted you on being chickenshit..on caring what your mother would think of her son. Heck Zachary why are you even still married to me? It's been three months since I found out," Kate huffed as she dropped the dish she had been cleaning. "You don't love it. In face I think you find it disgusting deep down and you know it's wrong. You know it's wrong and you live with that shame. That's why nothing has changed."
Before Zac could respond to her he heard his cell phone ringing and he left her at the sink to go answer it. Walking to the kitchen table where it was laying he picked it up without even checking the id.
"Where are you?" Taylor's voice greeted him as soon as Zac had clicked talk. "He was a wreck tonight because you weren't there and I only called to tell you that he refused to go to the next city and state until he saw you. He's at that hotel you two always meet at when he's in Tulsa."
"I...I...fuck," Zac muttered unable to even explain things to Taylor. How could he? How could he say he didn't show because Kate was right, he was chickenshit. "Can you tell him I'll be there soon?" Zac asked hoping Taylor would relay that message.
"I guess I can. I'll have to make an excuse to Natalie again for why I am talking to him alone but yes."
At Taylor's words Zac smiled and said goodbye in a hurry before hanging up. After he hung up he turned to see Kate just glaring at him.
"I'm sorry," Zac apologized as he shook his head. "But I have to go be with the man I love. I have to go be with the person I intend to leave you for someday," he nodded before turning on his heels and leaving the kitchen and then the house in a hurry.
Take me to church
I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies
I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife
Offer me that deathless death
Good God, let me give you my life
Zac chewed his lip as he sat in the floor outside of the hotel room. He had been sitting here for the last hour and again he was chickenshit. He was scared to knock on the door and he was scared to let the man he loved...his boyfriend know he was here. He knew if Taylor had called him and told him Harry was a wreck that he had fucked up badly. Harry and Taylor weren't even that close.
"I'm such an idiot," Zac muttered to himself as he leaned his head against the wall and his mind drifted back to when he had met Harry. It had been at some event in LA that he and his brothers had been invited too. An event he hadn't wanted to attend but had begrudgingly because Taylor had told him they would have good food. Taylor knew he was a sucker for good food and food in general.
They had also had alcohol and Zac had, had too much of it by the time he bumped into Harry and he had really bumped into Harry or well maybe he had fell into the boys lap. The memory was almost a bit fuzzy now for Zac but he had made a fool of himself and he thought he had made it worse when he had called the boy the cutest thing he had seen.
He hadn't made it worse though because that night he had wound up in bed with Harry and it was only after their sexual encounter that he had learned Harry had been eighteen at the time. He had vowed then to stay away from the boy, yet he couldn't. Something always keep bringing him back into Harry's orbit and here he was two years later sitting outside of the hotel room where most of their secret meetings took place.
"Yeah you are an idiot but that's why I love you," Harry's voice spoke and Zac turned to look up at the door which was open and Harry was standing in the door way. "You just going to sit out there all night mate?"
Zac blushed and stood up, "I'm sorry," he apologized as he looked at the man in front of him. "I mean for not coming. Taylor said you were a wreck."
"I was a wreck until Taylor told me you said you were coming here," Harry smiled slightly and reached out for Zac's hand when Zac stood up. Zac didn't even hesitate he took it and he knew he was home as soon as he did. Kate may have been his wife, the mother of his children but Harry was his home.
Following him inside the room Zac let go of Harry's hand briefly as the man shut the door and once it was closed he turned to face him, looking into his green eyes, "Kate got to me," he confessed. "That was why I didn't come. She called me on being scared to come out and she was right. She's right I am scared."
"But being here, it doesn't mean you are coming out," Harry said as he walked closer to Zac. "How did the old ball and chain even find out?"
"It doesn't mean that no...but I kind of..maybe I want too," Zac whispered as he watched Harry walking closer to him which made him move even farther into the room. "She found the letters you had sent me. I thought she'd never find them in that fucking shoebox where I hide one of my guns but she did."
Harry laughed slightly, "You keep a gun in a shoe box?" he asked as he walked closer to Zac again and again Zac found himself moving farther away. "Is this a game of a chase?"
"Maybe it is," Zac winked before coming to stop in front of the only bed in the room. "Are you going to get me?" he asked his tone turning seductive. "If you get me I'll tell you all about the gun in the shoe box," he smirked before winking at his lover.
If I'm a pagan of the good times
My lover's the sunlight
To keep the Goddess on my side
She demands a sacrifice
Rolling his eyes Harry came to a stop in front of Zac, "What if I don't want to catch you?" he asked sounding serious though Zac could see the hint of a smirk playing on his lips. "I mean you really should just give it up for me," he continued as he moved a bit closer. "Just think how long it's been since you had my cock inside you."
Zac couldn't help but moan at the other man's last words, "It's been too long," he sighed as his cock started to get hard at the thought of Harry being inside of him again. "I fucking need your cock," he admitted honestly knowing he did need it and he needed Harry in more ways than one.
"How bad do you need it?" Harry asked as he moved ever so slightly closer to Zac again. "Enough to beg me?" he asked before closing the gap between the two men and kissing Zac. It was a heated kiss and Zac couldn't help it as he moaned into Harry's mouth before letting his hips move towards the younger man's. It was then that he could feel just how hard Harry now was as well.
Falling back onto the bed Zac kissed Harry harder as he brought him down with him and he felt another man as Harry's hands found their way under his shirt. When Harry pulled away he looked into his green eyes as he slowly undid the button down that Zac had on. It was the one Kate hated because it was pink and she always said pink wasn't his color.
"You still haven't begged for my cock yet," Harry smirked as he locked eyes with Zac as he finished unbuttoning his shirt. "You better start begging," he whispered before leaning down to kiss his neck as he pushed the button down off of him.
Zac moaned out louder as Harry kissed his neck and his eyes closed involuntarily as he felt Harry's lips trail from his neck down his chest where he started to tease Zac's nipples as his hand just so casually found the bulge in his pants and he began to rub it. "You are trying to kill me," Zac groaned as his hips thrust up. "But god I fucking need your dick. I need you in me...fucking my ass so hard as I scream out your name."
Drain the whole sea
Get something shiny
Something meaty for the main course
That's a fine looking high horse
What you got in the stable?
We've a lot of starving faithful
"You need my dick huh?" Harry asked as his lips trailed farther down Zac's body. "Can I get your dick first?" he asked as he stopped kissing Zac's skin once he reached the waist band of his jeans which made Zac whimper. "I want you in my mouth," he smirked as he undid Zac's pants slowly. "Can I have that?" he asked though it came out more as a statement.
Zac just nodded helplessly knowing he'd give Harry anything he wanted and as Harry pushed his jeans and boxers off his head fell back against the pillows when he felt the other man's warm mouth go around his aching cock. It was warm and fuck it had been too long so he'd been sucked off. Probably the last time had been the last time with Harry back in January when the boy had made a surprise secret trip to Tulsa.
"Fuck," Zac muttered as he let his hand go down and tangle in Harry's hair as the man's mouth worked him over so good. Harry was skilled at this and fuck he knew how to use his mouth and he knew the way Zac loved it and Zac swore each time he had the other man's mouth around him that he was in heaven.
Biting down on his lip Zac let his hand pull on Harry's hair slightly when he started to go a bit faster. He was afraid of moaning too load in case there was anyone in the room across from there's though he knew he'd probably eventually cave. He'd cave and be as loud as he could be. He always did in the end.
That looks tasty
That looks plenty
This is hungry work
"Shit," Zac cursed again as he felt that familiar feeling in the pit of his stomach. The one letting him know he was close to coming. "I..I'm close," he spoke giving the man who was the reason for his impending release warning.
When Harry moved his mouth off him Zac whimpered loudly and Zac swore he could hear Harry laugh. "Don't whimper," Harry muttered as he used his head to work Zac for a bit. "I'll put my mouth back in a second," he sighed and it was then Zac knew he was being a fucking tease. "You have to promise to get hard for me again though. I mean I still want to be in your ass. You think you can get hard for me again?"
"I can always get hard for you," Zac muttered as his hips moved up some as Harry continued to move his hand up and down the length of his cock. "Now put your fucking mouth back on me," he whispered though it came out almost growl like.
Harry laughed again as he shook his head, "Someone sure is a demanding person," he winked before letting his mouth go back around Zac's cock.
Moaning again Zac felt a smirk playing on his own lips. He was glad to have Harry's mouth back around him as it did much more for him than his hand had been doing. "Fuck...Harry," he grunted as he felt himself cum and he pushed farther into Harry's mouth making sure that he had to swallow every drop that he was giving him.
Take me to church
I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies
I'll tell you my sins so you can sharpen your knife
Offer me my deathless death
Good God, let me give you my life
When Zac felt Harry move off him again he sat up some some and pulled him into a kiss hearing Harry moan as he did so. The boys moans were enough to make him continue as he slipped his hands under his shirt and he felt Harry shiver at the contact.
After that Harry pulled away from the kiss and Zac smirked again seeing nothing but pure lust in Harry's green eyes as he quickly peeled his shirt off before kissing Zac again. It was a kiss that nearly took Zac's breath away even if that was almost a girly way to describe.
"Have I ever said I love your tattoo's?" Zac asked as he moved away from the kiss now and looked over Harry's chest and arms. "They're sexy and they turn me on a lot," he muttered before leaning in to kiss Harry again and this time when he did so he laid back, pulling Harry down over him as his hands went to the man's jeans which he undid in a hurry.
"No but continue on with that train of thought," Harry muttered into the kiss and Zac felt him raise up after he spoke, helping him to push the way too tight jeans off his body. He swore sometimes Harry wore jeans tighter than Taylor did even.
At the thought of Taylor, Zac felt himself blush knowing now really wasn't the time to be thinking of his brother. Not as he undressed his lover and could feel himself getting hard again.
"Well," Zac spoke as he pulled away from the kiss and looked up into Harry's green eyes, "They turn me on enough to get me hard again," he said before laughing some knowing he sounded really pathetic.
Harry made a face at Zac's words, "I think you only want me for my body," he muttered trying to sound as if he was hurt. "Or well my tattoo's."
"That's not true," Zac sighed as he let his hands rest on Harry's ass bringing his hips down into his own and the moment he did he let out a moan as their cocks brushed together. "I want you for your dick too."
Laughing Harry just shook his head and let his fingers go to Zac's mouth, "Is that so?" he asked. "Then how about you suck my fingers and get them nice and wet so I can get your ass ready for my dick Zachary," he whispered as a smirk played on his lips again.
Hearing Harry's words Zac opened his mouth slowly and took two of Harry's fingers in his mouth where he sucked on them slowly, much like he would do to Harry's dick and he really couldn't help but imagine that was what he was doing as he let his eyes flutter shut briefly.
"Your lips were made for sucking," Harry muttered and as he did Zac swore he could hear the younger man moan. A fact that made him suck a bit slower on his fingers. "Fucking tease."
Zac heard Harry call him a tease and he smiled around his fingers before letting them drop out of his mouth, "You like it when I'm a tease," he said as he sighed before opening his eyes. "At least that's what you always say when I'm giving you a blow job and go real real slow."
"Yeah yeah whatever you say love," Harry sighed before slowly moving his hand down between Zac's legs. Finding his entrance he inserted one of his fingers and started to move it at a slow pace. A pace that made Zac whimper before biting down on his lip hard.
Letting his head fall back again Zac moaned out his hips involuntarily moving up some. "Now whose the tease?" he asked before raising an eyebrow right as another moan fell from his lips when he felt Harry add a second finger inside of him. It felt so good to at least have part of Harry inside of him even if it wasn't the part he really needed right now. Right now he wanted and needed Harry's cock.
"You know you like it," Harry said before moving his fingers a bit faster. "I bet you wish it was my dick though don't you?" he asked before leaning down to kiss Zac briefly on the lips.
"Mhmm," Zac muttered into the kiss knowing Harry's words were true. He did wish that it was his dick inside of him instead of his fingers. "I need you inside of me so badly," he whimpered as he pulled away from the kiss. "I need your dick in my ass right now baby."
Leaning down to kiss Zac's neck Harry bit his neck an action that made Zac shiver, "How bad do you want my dick love?"
At Harry's question Zac whimpered again as he moved his hips some with the movements of Harry's finger, "So bad baby," he muttered as he pouted. "I need you to fill me up and be inside of me so god damn fucking bad," he whispered knowing he was getting desperate now.
"Are you sure?" Harry asked as he removed his fingers before moving some so that he was positioned right at Zac's entrance. "Are you sure you want me to fuck you?"
Zac nodded as he looked up at Harry pouting more, "I'm sure I want you to fuck me," he growled knowing with the man right at as his entrance that he was becoming impatient. He was needy and right now he needed his ass fucked.
No Masters or Kings
When the Ritual begins
There is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin
After Zac spoke his words he moaned out softly when he felt Harry finally enter him, "Fuck," he muttered feeling him start to move slowly. It had been so long...to long since they were last together and he wasn't sure if he could go that long again. He wasn't sure he could just go months without seeing him like he had grown accustomed too.
It was in this moment with Harry moving inside of him, he knew how much he loved him and just how much he needed him and god damn it he wasn't sure if he was going to let Kate or his family stop that anymore.
"I love you," Zac whispered before reaching down and pulling Harry into a kiss. It was one full of passion and everything else that Zac was feeling in the moment. "I love you so much," he muttered in between kisses. He knew his words were true and he hated that he had never really said them until now.
After he spoke his words Zac watched as Harry looked down at him for the longest time before smiling, "I love you too," he nodded and Zac felt a shiver run down his spine as Harry leaned down to kiss him again.
Kissing Harry back Zac began to match Harry's movements as well as letting his hand go between them and he grabbed his cock stroking it in time with each thrust that his lover made. They weren't just fucking tonight, not with how slow and deliberate Harry was being. Zac knew they were making love and tonight he could live with that. Hell a part of him could live with making love to Harry every night.
Closing his eyes he just let himself go as he enjoyed the sensations of kissing Harry along with moving each time Harry thrust into him and then getting himself off as well. It was almost too much to take and Zac knew that before long that he'd be coming.
"Fuck...." he moaned out as he finally felt that familiar feeling building up in the pit of his stomach as the tightening in his balls got worse and before he knew it he reached his peak feeling Harry doing the same inside of him. He was sure that was one of the best feelings in the world.
In the madness and soil of that sad earthly scene
Only then I am Human
Only then I am Clean
Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen.
After they had both cleaned up and went back to the bed in the room Zac chewed his lip nervously as he laid beside Harry, snuggling into the younger man, "I think I am ready to come out," he spoke feeling Harry's eyes on him. "I mean Kate already knows now and Taylor's always known and I don't see the point in lying to anyone else."
"Are you sure?" Harry asked as he reached up to move some hair out of Zac's eyes. "It's a big step," he sighed knowing it had been huge when he finally came out to the media last year even if at first management hadn't wanted him too. He had just been so sick of hiding what he truly was, who he truly was.
Zac nodded his head, "I'm sure," he said and for once he sounded confident. "I'm ready to come out."
Harry just smiled before leaning over to kiss Zac again, "I'm so proud of you," he spoke in between kisses. "And I really do love you so much."
"I love you too," Zac nodded as he smiled feeling content. "But do you really have to go to the next state so soon?" he asked his tone teasing. "I wish we had longer time together."
"You could come on the road with me and finish out this tour," Harry muttered before pulling Zac closer.
Zac thought over Harry's words as he chewed his lip again. He'd have to come up with something for Kate to tell people but he almost wanted to do it even if it meant leaving the kids for awhile though Kate was a pro at handling them by herself and he could call them every day or skype if Kate would let him that was since she was probably pissed about earlier and him just leaving.
"I think I will," he finally spoke before smiled and letting his head rest on the same pillow as Harry's. Yawning he closed his eyes and soon drifted off.
Take me to church
I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies
I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife
Offer me that deathless death
Good God, let me give you my life
Zac took a deep breath as he sat at the airport with Harry. They had got a few hours of sleep and then he had headed home and somehow got his stuff ready to pack for this trip. He was surprised that Kate hadn't started an argument even when he woke her up as he packed but instead she had just given him the silent treatment. Maybe that meant she'd be understanding about things once he came out. Maybe that meant as much as she hated it she knew things were changing or then again maybe he was just too hopeful.
"You okay?" Harry asked which brought Zac out of his thoughts and he nodded his head. "You just seemed off."
"I was just thinking," Zac said as he gave the man a smile. "But I'm okay. I'm always okay as long as I have you," he said as he smiled more. He knew with Harry by his side the future didn't look so bleak even if maybe it really was.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
At this moment, there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world. Some are running scared. Some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day. Others are just now facing the truth. Some are evil men, that war with good. And some are good, struggling with evil. 6 billion people in the world. 6 billion souls. And sometimes, all you need is one. -Peyton Sawyer(One Tree Hill)
My lover's got humour
She's the giggle at a funeral
Knows everybody's disapproval
I should've worshiped her sooner
Zac rolled his eyes as he sat on his back porch smoking a cigarette. It was night time and Kate was upstairs putting the children to bed while he sat out here stealing a few moments to himself. A few moments that seemed to be rare to get anymore..except when he was with him..then life was okay. Life would always be okay when he was with him.
"Zac?" Kate's voice asked breaking Zac out of his thoughts and he turned to look at his wife. As he did he could see the disapproval in her brown eyes. She didn't like it when he smoked. Though she had a better tolerance for him smoking cigarettes than when he smoked weed. "The kids are in bed. Are you going to come inside anytime soon?"
Zac shook his head, "I just need a few minutes to myself," he told his wife as he tried to give her a genuine smile before putting the cigarette to his lips again. "I'll be in after I finish smoking," he sighed as he moved the cigarette away and blew out the smoke watching as the white particles melted into the night air much like he melted every time he is touched by the person who he truly wanted to be with right now.
Kate sighed and walked to sit down next to Zac, "Are you okay?" she asked him and Zac swore he could feel her eyes boring into him as if she was trying to see into his soul and see just how twisted she was. Zac was sure if she knew she wouldn't be here right now. She wouldn't be his wife anymore. She would take their children and run.
"Why wouldn't I be okay?" Zac asked as he turned to look at her and the moment their eyes met he felt a cold chill run down his back. The look she was giving him said everything. She somehow knew, she just knew that he wasn't and she probably knew why too.
"I found the letters," Kate spoke and not once did she look away from Zac, a fact that surprised him. "The ones from him," she nodded putting an emphasis on her last words. "You do know you can never be with him. Just think about the scandal? The fans would go wild. The band would end...your family would be disappointed. God would be disappointed."
Zac laughed bitterly when she mentioned God, "Fuck God," he muttered honestly as he finished his cigarette and looked away from her. "Fuck God and Fuck you," he stated as he stood up and walked inside leaving Kate behind on the porch. He knew his words were harsh but her words had been judgmental and they had stung him to his core. They were the reasons why he could never be with who he loved and he hated that and he hated Kate for reminding him.
If the heavens ever did speak
She's the last true mouthpiece
Every Sunday's getting more bleak
A fresh poison each week
Zac chewed his lip as he stood outside the kitchen as he listened to Kate talking to Natalie. It had been a week since the incident on the porch and since then he had been doing everything he could to avoid his wife and she too had been avoiding him. The only time they ever saw each other was during dinner, something they did for the kids benefit.
"I tell you Nat, I'm afraid my marriage is ending," Kate sighed a frown playing on her lips as she turned to look at Natalie. "Zac, he is just so distant and he is angry about the fact that I confronted him on the letters I found. The letters that prove he has been cheating on me with him..." she said as she let her voice trail off as she poured Natalie a cup of tea.
Natalie scrunched up her nose at Kate's words, "I'm sorry," she apologized as she shook her head. "I just I can't believe Zac would cheat on you and with another man," she said as she continued to shake her head. "If I ever found out Taylor was cheating on me with another man I'd probably have a breakdown," she said as she gave Kate a sympathetic smile when Kate brought her cup of tea to the kitchen table. "I doubt your marriage is ending though Katie. I mean Zac knows if he leaves you his family will wonder why and then he'll have to tell them about his relationship with that guy and he knows he'll be disowned. Hell he knows it would ruin the band too. I mean the fans would be so disgusted."
"Tell me about," Kate nodded as she sat down across from Natalie at the table. "I tried to tell Zac that. I even told him God would be disappointed in him and he said fuck god and fuck me," she repeated his words making a face as she did so. "Since then we haven't seen much of each other this week and he didn't come to church today. The priest asked where he was and I had to tell him some lie. I hate having to lie but I can't tell anyone the real reasons. I can't tell them my husband didn't come because I confronted on him about being with another man..about being a..a faggot," she finished whispering the last word like she was ashamed to even associate it with Zac.
Natalie cringed when she heard the last word fall from Kate's mouth, "Are you sure you want to associate that word with Zac?" she asked warily. "I mean he's only been with one man. It's still wrong yes but that doesn't mean he could be fully gay," she said trying to add some hope to her friend's dire marriage problems.
"How do I know this man is his first?" Kate asked as she cocked an eyebrow up. "I know we've been together since he was a teenager but how can I trust him when he has broken every bit of trust I had for him?" she asked as she kept her eyebrow raised. "He's not the man I fell in love with or married."
"Then why are you staying with him?" Natalie asked as she took a sip of her tea.
Looking down Kate just stared into her tea cup as if it held all the answers she was looking for, "Because I want everyone to think I have the perfect life. I can't fail at that and I don't want to see Zac's life ruined when people ask him why we aren't together and he has to cop to being gay. I will settle for a loveless marriage if it protects the both of us..and if I hate the man my husband is behind closed doors."
"You don't hate him," Natalie said as she shook her head and took a sip of her tea.
"But I do," Kate replied her voice so serious. "He's sick and he needs help for his sins but I don't think he wants them," she said as her voice cracked and tears went down her cheeks.
As Kate started to cry, Zac walked away from the scene in the kitchen and he went downstairs to the basement where his music room was. He couldn't lie, hearing Kate call him sick and say she hated him made him hurt yet again but he knew she was right. He was sick and he knew she wouldn't be the only one who thought that way. His parents would...the church he had joined a few years back would...maybe even his fans would.
'We were born sick,' you heard them say it
Sitting in Taylor's car a few days later Zac tried to fight back tears as he looked down at his hands, "How do you do it?" he asked Taylor curiously. "How do you keep your secret about your sexuality from your wife? How do you act okay knowing everyone would hate you if they knew?"
"Because I know that regardless of what they think they are wrong," Taylor answered and when Zac looked back up at Taylor he did his best to smile. "Is this because Kate found your letters from him? Did she say something to you?"
Zac nodded as he ran a hand through his hair, "I'm guessing Nat told you about her finding the letters?"
"Yeah, she also said it was causing problems but she didn't state what kind," Taylor confirmed. "Natalie's always vague on what Kate tells her I think because she knows I don't approve of her and Kate gossiping about us to each other."
"Kate told Natalie she hated me," Zac revealed feeling sick as he repeated what she said. "She hates the man I am and she thinks I'm sick because I prefer to fuck a man. She thinks I'm sick and she hates me yet she'll stay married to me just so she can have her perfect life."
Taylor's eyes widened at Zac's words, "And did Natalie agree?" he asked and Zac raised an eyebrow hearing a hint of fear in Taylor's voice at that question. "It's not like we talk about this stuff at home. I mean Natalie never believes I'm gay even if half our fan base does. She laughs at the rumors or even the gay fanfics she comes across."
"Natalie tried to change her mind when she called me a faggot but she said she ever found out you were gay that she'd have a breakdown," Zac shrugged feeling bitter right now. "They'll never accept us Taylor. We were born sick and we'll never be accepted and I'm sick of feeling dirty and wrong for how I feel and at the same time I want to run and hide."
Pulling Zac into a hug Taylor sighed, "You aren't dirty for how you feel," he said as he kissed Zac's cheek. "Scott had to keep telling me that numerous times when we first got together."
"I never knew you used to feel this way," Zac mused as he let Taylor comfort him. It was nice to indulge in it and also at least have one person his side in his family. Someone who sympathize with him. "Did Scott's words make it stop?"
Taylor shook his head, "No but they helped some. What made it stop was when I learned to love myself and accepted myself for what I was..gay. Now I'm happy and I'm with Cade and even if I have to hide that part of me I'm still okay because I love who I am."
Zac nodded though he wasn't sure he believed that, mainly because if Taylor was really so comfortable he wouldn't have been afraid when he asked if Natalie had agreed with Kate.
My Church offers no absolutes.
She tells me, 'Worship in the bedroom.'
The only heaven I'll be sent to
Is when I'm alone with you--
Sitting in the basement that night after his talk with Taylor, Zac looked up from the notebook where he was writing song lyrics and he watched as Kate came down the stairs. When she reached the bottom he could see an envelope in her hand and he raised an eyebrow. "Is that for me?" he asked trying to keep his voice calm when he just wanted to be harsh with her.
"It's from him," Kate confirmed as she walked closer and handed the envelope to Zac. "I already opened it and read it," she confessed a blush creeping onto her cheeks which usually resembled porcelain because of how pale she was. "He's coming to town in September and he wants you there."
Zac glared as he took the envelope from Kate, "You had no right to read it," he told her as he opened the envelope and took the paper out. Reading over it he saw that Kate was right. "I think I will go," he nodded as he looked up at his wife who had been just standing there and watching as he read. He knew she was only waiting for his answer so that she could confront him.
"How can you want to go?" Kate asked her voice sounding appalled. A fact that didn't shock Zac. "You could be found out Zachary. Do you really want that? What's going to happen to you if people find out?"
"I don't know," Zac admitted honestly as he shrugged. "But I'm sure it'd beat being stuck in a loveless marriage with a woman who hates me," he said as he closed his notebook and stood up. "Hell I'd rather be with him because being with him is better than ever being with you," he admitted as he turned to walk away from Kate and head upstairs.
Zac could hear footsteps behind him and he knew his wife was following, "You don't mean that. You care too much what people think about you. If you didn't you would have left me when you first got with him. You've been with him since 2012 and it's now 2014."
Turning to look at Kate briefly Zac smiled slightly, "Maybe back then I cared but I'm not sure if I do now," he said as he remembered what Taylor told him in the car. He had to love himself and he could start doing that. He had too or he'd be in this endless trap forever.
I was born sick,
But I love it
Command me to be well
Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen.
After that night time for Zac seemed to fly by and before he knew it September had arrived and it was the night of the concert. A concert he should have been at but at the last minute he had chickened out. He had gotten into an argument with Kate, something they seemed to be doing a lot anymore and she had hit a nerve. She hit a nerve so bad and all of his insecurities that he had tried to forget just came flying out of him and back onto the surface again.
"I'm glad you decided not to go," Kate spoke and Zac turned to look at her from where he was standing at the kitchen sink. "Maybe now you've realized how sick it is to want to be with another man. Maybe we can put this behind us and you can start coming to church again and we can build our family and marriage back up again."
Zac frowned as Kate spoke and he looked down at the necklace around his neck. The one where he still wore his wedding band. It was almost like a heavy burden to him. A cross of shame he had to wear and pretend like he liked to wear it. "It's not sick," he muttered as he corrected Kate. "And even if it was I don't care because I love it...I love him and just because I didn't go tonight, that doesn't change the fact that I want him still."
"Then why didn't you go? Why stay because I confronted you on being chickenshit..on caring what your mother would think of her son. Heck Zachary why are you even still married to me? It's been three months since I found out," Kate huffed as she dropped the dish she had been cleaning. "You don't love it. In face I think you find it disgusting deep down and you know it's wrong. You know it's wrong and you live with that shame. That's why nothing has changed."
Before Zac could respond to her he heard his cell phone ringing and he left her at the sink to go answer it. Walking to the kitchen table where it was laying he picked it up without even checking the id.
"Where are you?" Taylor's voice greeted him as soon as Zac had clicked talk. "He was a wreck tonight because you weren't there and I only called to tell you that he refused to go to the next city and state until he saw you. He's at that hotel you two always meet at when he's in Tulsa."
"I...I...fuck," Zac muttered unable to even explain things to Taylor. How could he? How could he say he didn't show because Kate was right, he was chickenshit. "Can you tell him I'll be there soon?" Zac asked hoping Taylor would relay that message.
"I guess I can. I'll have to make an excuse to Natalie again for why I am talking to him alone but yes."
At Taylor's words Zac smiled and said goodbye in a hurry before hanging up. After he hung up he turned to see Kate just glaring at him.
"I'm sorry," Zac apologized as he shook his head. "But I have to go be with the man I love. I have to go be with the person I intend to leave you for someday," he nodded before turning on his heels and leaving the kitchen and then the house in a hurry.
Take me to church
I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies
I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife
Offer me that deathless death
Good God, let me give you my life
Zac chewed his lip as he sat in the floor outside of the hotel room. He had been sitting here for the last hour and again he was chickenshit. He was scared to knock on the door and he was scared to let the man he loved...his boyfriend know he was here. He knew if Taylor had called him and told him Harry was a wreck that he had fucked up badly. Harry and Taylor weren't even that close.
"I'm such an idiot," Zac muttered to himself as he leaned his head against the wall and his mind drifted back to when he had met Harry. It had been at some event in LA that he and his brothers had been invited too. An event he hadn't wanted to attend but had begrudgingly because Taylor had told him they would have good food. Taylor knew he was a sucker for good food and food in general.
They had also had alcohol and Zac had, had too much of it by the time he bumped into Harry and he had really bumped into Harry or well maybe he had fell into the boys lap. The memory was almost a bit fuzzy now for Zac but he had made a fool of himself and he thought he had made it worse when he had called the boy the cutest thing he had seen.
He hadn't made it worse though because that night he had wound up in bed with Harry and it was only after their sexual encounter that he had learned Harry had been eighteen at the time. He had vowed then to stay away from the boy, yet he couldn't. Something always keep bringing him back into Harry's orbit and here he was two years later sitting outside of the hotel room where most of their secret meetings took place.
"Yeah you are an idiot but that's why I love you," Harry's voice spoke and Zac turned to look up at the door which was open and Harry was standing in the door way. "You just going to sit out there all night mate?"
Zac blushed and stood up, "I'm sorry," he apologized as he looked at the man in front of him. "I mean for not coming. Taylor said you were a wreck."
"I was a wreck until Taylor told me you said you were coming here," Harry smiled slightly and reached out for Zac's hand when Zac stood up. Zac didn't even hesitate he took it and he knew he was home as soon as he did. Kate may have been his wife, the mother of his children but Harry was his home.
Following him inside the room Zac let go of Harry's hand briefly as the man shut the door and once it was closed he turned to face him, looking into his green eyes, "Kate got to me," he confessed. "That was why I didn't come. She called me on being scared to come out and she was right. She's right I am scared."
"But being here, it doesn't mean you are coming out," Harry said as he walked closer to Zac. "How did the old ball and chain even find out?"
"It doesn't mean that no...but I kind of..maybe I want too," Zac whispered as he watched Harry walking closer to him which made him move even farther into the room. "She found the letters you had sent me. I thought she'd never find them in that fucking shoebox where I hide one of my guns but she did."
Harry laughed slightly, "You keep a gun in a shoe box?" he asked as he walked closer to Zac again and again Zac found himself moving farther away. "Is this a game of a chase?"
"Maybe it is," Zac winked before coming to stop in front of the only bed in the room. "Are you going to get me?" he asked his tone turning seductive. "If you get me I'll tell you all about the gun in the shoe box," he smirked before winking at his lover.
If I'm a pagan of the good times
My lover's the sunlight
To keep the Goddess on my side
She demands a sacrifice
Rolling his eyes Harry came to a stop in front of Zac, "What if I don't want to catch you?" he asked sounding serious though Zac could see the hint of a smirk playing on his lips. "I mean you really should just give it up for me," he continued as he moved a bit closer. "Just think how long it's been since you had my cock inside you."
Zac couldn't help but moan at the other man's last words, "It's been too long," he sighed as his cock started to get hard at the thought of Harry being inside of him again. "I fucking need your cock," he admitted honestly knowing he did need it and he needed Harry in more ways than one.
"How bad do you need it?" Harry asked as he moved ever so slightly closer to Zac again. "Enough to beg me?" he asked before closing the gap between the two men and kissing Zac. It was a heated kiss and Zac couldn't help it as he moaned into Harry's mouth before letting his hips move towards the younger man's. It was then that he could feel just how hard Harry now was as well.
Falling back onto the bed Zac kissed Harry harder as he brought him down with him and he felt another man as Harry's hands found their way under his shirt. When Harry pulled away he looked into his green eyes as he slowly undid the button down that Zac had on. It was the one Kate hated because it was pink and she always said pink wasn't his color.
"You still haven't begged for my cock yet," Harry smirked as he locked eyes with Zac as he finished unbuttoning his shirt. "You better start begging," he whispered before leaning down to kiss his neck as he pushed the button down off of him.
Zac moaned out louder as Harry kissed his neck and his eyes closed involuntarily as he felt Harry's lips trail from his neck down his chest where he started to tease Zac's nipples as his hand just so casually found the bulge in his pants and he began to rub it. "You are trying to kill me," Zac groaned as his hips thrust up. "But god I fucking need your dick. I need you in me...fucking my ass so hard as I scream out your name."
Drain the whole sea
Get something shiny
Something meaty for the main course
That's a fine looking high horse
What you got in the stable?
We've a lot of starving faithful
"You need my dick huh?" Harry asked as his lips trailed farther down Zac's body. "Can I get your dick first?" he asked as he stopped kissing Zac's skin once he reached the waist band of his jeans which made Zac whimper. "I want you in my mouth," he smirked as he undid Zac's pants slowly. "Can I have that?" he asked though it came out more as a statement.
Zac just nodded helplessly knowing he'd give Harry anything he wanted and as Harry pushed his jeans and boxers off his head fell back against the pillows when he felt the other man's warm mouth go around his aching cock. It was warm and fuck it had been too long so he'd been sucked off. Probably the last time had been the last time with Harry back in January when the boy had made a surprise secret trip to Tulsa.
"Fuck," Zac muttered as he let his hand go down and tangle in Harry's hair as the man's mouth worked him over so good. Harry was skilled at this and fuck he knew how to use his mouth and he knew the way Zac loved it and Zac swore each time he had the other man's mouth around him that he was in heaven.
Biting down on his lip Zac let his hand pull on Harry's hair slightly when he started to go a bit faster. He was afraid of moaning too load in case there was anyone in the room across from there's though he knew he'd probably eventually cave. He'd cave and be as loud as he could be. He always did in the end.
That looks tasty
That looks plenty
This is hungry work
"Shit," Zac cursed again as he felt that familiar feeling in the pit of his stomach. The one letting him know he was close to coming. "I..I'm close," he spoke giving the man who was the reason for his impending release warning.
When Harry moved his mouth off him Zac whimpered loudly and Zac swore he could hear Harry laugh. "Don't whimper," Harry muttered as he used his head to work Zac for a bit. "I'll put my mouth back in a second," he sighed and it was then Zac knew he was being a fucking tease. "You have to promise to get hard for me again though. I mean I still want to be in your ass. You think you can get hard for me again?"
"I can always get hard for you," Zac muttered as his hips moved up some as Harry continued to move his hand up and down the length of his cock. "Now put your fucking mouth back on me," he whispered though it came out almost growl like.
Harry laughed again as he shook his head, "Someone sure is a demanding person," he winked before letting his mouth go back around Zac's cock.
Moaning again Zac felt a smirk playing on his own lips. He was glad to have Harry's mouth back around him as it did much more for him than his hand had been doing. "Fuck...Harry," he grunted as he felt himself cum and he pushed farther into Harry's mouth making sure that he had to swallow every drop that he was giving him.
Take me to church
I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies
I'll tell you my sins so you can sharpen your knife
Offer me my deathless death
Good God, let me give you my life
When Zac felt Harry move off him again he sat up some some and pulled him into a kiss hearing Harry moan as he did so. The boys moans were enough to make him continue as he slipped his hands under his shirt and he felt Harry shiver at the contact.
After that Harry pulled away from the kiss and Zac smirked again seeing nothing but pure lust in Harry's green eyes as he quickly peeled his shirt off before kissing Zac again. It was a kiss that nearly took Zac's breath away even if that was almost a girly way to describe.
"Have I ever said I love your tattoo's?" Zac asked as he moved away from the kiss now and looked over Harry's chest and arms. "They're sexy and they turn me on a lot," he muttered before leaning in to kiss Harry again and this time when he did so he laid back, pulling Harry down over him as his hands went to the man's jeans which he undid in a hurry.
"No but continue on with that train of thought," Harry muttered into the kiss and Zac felt him raise up after he spoke, helping him to push the way too tight jeans off his body. He swore sometimes Harry wore jeans tighter than Taylor did even.
At the thought of Taylor, Zac felt himself blush knowing now really wasn't the time to be thinking of his brother. Not as he undressed his lover and could feel himself getting hard again.
"Well," Zac spoke as he pulled away from the kiss and looked up into Harry's green eyes, "They turn me on enough to get me hard again," he said before laughing some knowing he sounded really pathetic.
Harry made a face at Zac's words, "I think you only want me for my body," he muttered trying to sound as if he was hurt. "Or well my tattoo's."
"That's not true," Zac sighed as he let his hands rest on Harry's ass bringing his hips down into his own and the moment he did he let out a moan as their cocks brushed together. "I want you for your dick too."
Laughing Harry just shook his head and let his fingers go to Zac's mouth, "Is that so?" he asked. "Then how about you suck my fingers and get them nice and wet so I can get your ass ready for my dick Zachary," he whispered as a smirk played on his lips again.
Hearing Harry's words Zac opened his mouth slowly and took two of Harry's fingers in his mouth where he sucked on them slowly, much like he would do to Harry's dick and he really couldn't help but imagine that was what he was doing as he let his eyes flutter shut briefly.
"Your lips were made for sucking," Harry muttered and as he did Zac swore he could hear the younger man moan. A fact that made him suck a bit slower on his fingers. "Fucking tease."
Zac heard Harry call him a tease and he smiled around his fingers before letting them drop out of his mouth, "You like it when I'm a tease," he said as he sighed before opening his eyes. "At least that's what you always say when I'm giving you a blow job and go real real slow."
"Yeah yeah whatever you say love," Harry sighed before slowly moving his hand down between Zac's legs. Finding his entrance he inserted one of his fingers and started to move it at a slow pace. A pace that made Zac whimper before biting down on his lip hard.
Letting his head fall back again Zac moaned out his hips involuntarily moving up some. "Now whose the tease?" he asked before raising an eyebrow right as another moan fell from his lips when he felt Harry add a second finger inside of him. It felt so good to at least have part of Harry inside of him even if it wasn't the part he really needed right now. Right now he wanted and needed Harry's cock.
"You know you like it," Harry said before moving his fingers a bit faster. "I bet you wish it was my dick though don't you?" he asked before leaning down to kiss Zac briefly on the lips.
"Mhmm," Zac muttered into the kiss knowing Harry's words were true. He did wish that it was his dick inside of him instead of his fingers. "I need you inside of me so badly," he whimpered as he pulled away from the kiss. "I need your dick in my ass right now baby."
Leaning down to kiss Zac's neck Harry bit his neck an action that made Zac shiver, "How bad do you want my dick love?"
At Harry's question Zac whimpered again as he moved his hips some with the movements of Harry's finger, "So bad baby," he muttered as he pouted. "I need you to fill me up and be inside of me so god damn fucking bad," he whispered knowing he was getting desperate now.
"Are you sure?" Harry asked as he removed his fingers before moving some so that he was positioned right at Zac's entrance. "Are you sure you want me to fuck you?"
Zac nodded as he looked up at Harry pouting more, "I'm sure I want you to fuck me," he growled knowing with the man right at as his entrance that he was becoming impatient. He was needy and right now he needed his ass fucked.
No Masters or Kings
When the Ritual begins
There is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin
After Zac spoke his words he moaned out softly when he felt Harry finally enter him, "Fuck," he muttered feeling him start to move slowly. It had been so long...to long since they were last together and he wasn't sure if he could go that long again. He wasn't sure he could just go months without seeing him like he had grown accustomed too.
It was in this moment with Harry moving inside of him, he knew how much he loved him and just how much he needed him and god damn it he wasn't sure if he was going to let Kate or his family stop that anymore.
"I love you," Zac whispered before reaching down and pulling Harry into a kiss. It was one full of passion and everything else that Zac was feeling in the moment. "I love you so much," he muttered in between kisses. He knew his words were true and he hated that he had never really said them until now.
After he spoke his words Zac watched as Harry looked down at him for the longest time before smiling, "I love you too," he nodded and Zac felt a shiver run down his spine as Harry leaned down to kiss him again.
Kissing Harry back Zac began to match Harry's movements as well as letting his hand go between them and he grabbed his cock stroking it in time with each thrust that his lover made. They weren't just fucking tonight, not with how slow and deliberate Harry was being. Zac knew they were making love and tonight he could live with that. Hell a part of him could live with making love to Harry every night.
Closing his eyes he just let himself go as he enjoyed the sensations of kissing Harry along with moving each time Harry thrust into him and then getting himself off as well. It was almost too much to take and Zac knew that before long that he'd be coming.
"Fuck...." he moaned out as he finally felt that familiar feeling building up in the pit of his stomach as the tightening in his balls got worse and before he knew it he reached his peak feeling Harry doing the same inside of him. He was sure that was one of the best feelings in the world.
In the madness and soil of that sad earthly scene
Only then I am Human
Only then I am Clean
Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen.
After they had both cleaned up and went back to the bed in the room Zac chewed his lip nervously as he laid beside Harry, snuggling into the younger man, "I think I am ready to come out," he spoke feeling Harry's eyes on him. "I mean Kate already knows now and Taylor's always known and I don't see the point in lying to anyone else."
"Are you sure?" Harry asked as he reached up to move some hair out of Zac's eyes. "It's a big step," he sighed knowing it had been huge when he finally came out to the media last year even if at first management hadn't wanted him too. He had just been so sick of hiding what he truly was, who he truly was.
Zac nodded his head, "I'm sure," he said and for once he sounded confident. "I'm ready to come out."
Harry just smiled before leaning over to kiss Zac again, "I'm so proud of you," he spoke in between kisses. "And I really do love you so much."
"I love you too," Zac nodded as he smiled feeling content. "But do you really have to go to the next state so soon?" he asked his tone teasing. "I wish we had longer time together."
"You could come on the road with me and finish out this tour," Harry muttered before pulling Zac closer.
Zac thought over Harry's words as he chewed his lip again. He'd have to come up with something for Kate to tell people but he almost wanted to do it even if it meant leaving the kids for awhile though Kate was a pro at handling them by herself and he could call them every day or skype if Kate would let him that was since she was probably pissed about earlier and him just leaving.
"I think I will," he finally spoke before smiled and letting his head rest on the same pillow as Harry's. Yawning he closed his eyes and soon drifted off.
Take me to church
I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies
I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife
Offer me that deathless death
Good God, let me give you my life
Zac took a deep breath as he sat at the airport with Harry. They had got a few hours of sleep and then he had headed home and somehow got his stuff ready to pack for this trip. He was surprised that Kate hadn't started an argument even when he woke her up as he packed but instead she had just given him the silent treatment. Maybe that meant she'd be understanding about things once he came out. Maybe that meant as much as she hated it she knew things were changing or then again maybe he was just too hopeful.
"You okay?" Harry asked which brought Zac out of his thoughts and he nodded his head. "You just seemed off."
"I was just thinking," Zac said as he gave the man a smile. "But I'm okay. I'm always okay as long as I have you," he said as he smiled more. He knew with Harry by his side the future didn't look so bleak even if maybe it really was.
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At this moment, there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world. Some are running scared. Some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day. Others are just now facing the truth. Some are evil men, that war with good. And some are good, struggling with evil. 6 billion people in the world. 6 billion souls. And sometimes, all you need is one. -Peyton Sawyer(One Tree Hill)
