Never Loved The Way I Loved You
Avery sat in the hospital bed and grinned as she looked down at the little girl in her arms. The girl who had her daddy's smile and a set of blue eyes that Avery wasn't sure if they would change or stay that color. It was possible Stella could get blue eyes. After all Jolene had blueish green eyes and Avery's dad had blue eyes. Both her and Zac carried that gene.
Hearing the door open Avery looked up surprised when Zac walked in, "Z..Zac?" she asked feeling confused by his appearance in her room.
Zac nodded his head as he looked at Avery who sat in the hospital bed holding a baby in her arms. A baby that he knew was their baby. "My mom called me and told me," he said to her as he walked closer eventually coming to sit beside her on the bed. "She thought I should be here to see my daughter," he said as he looked at the baby in Avery's arms. It was a baby they had made out of love and a baby that he knew she hadn't even had to keep especially with how he had just left her like he did.
"I told her not to tell you," Avery sighed once Zac had sat down beside her on the bed.
"When does my mom ever listen?" Zac asked before laughing as he kept his eyes on the sleeping baby. A baby that he was still amazed was part him. He had never thought he'd get to have this since Brenda hadn't wanted children.
Avery rolled her eyes, "I guess you have a point," she spoke noticing Zac looking at their baby. "If she was awake right now you could see her blue eyes. I was kind of hoping for brown but I guess she is going to be a typical baby though hopefully they change. I've always wanted a brown eyed baby."
"So that's the only reason you had sex with me huh?" Zac asked slightly offended. "Just to get a brown eyed baby."
Again Avery rolled her eyes as she shook her head, "That isn't why I had sex with you at all and the baby wasn't even supposed to be a part of the equation," she told him knowing that she hadn't planned on another baby so soon in her life. "I wasn't even sure on keeping this one. I wanted to have an abortion."
"Why didn't you?" Zac asked her as he raised an eyebrow. "Why did you keep our baby?"
At Zac's question Avery wanted to do like she had done for most of her pregnancy. She had wanted to say she had kept this baby for Jolene. She had wanted to say she was keeping her to make Jolene happy but deep down she had always known that was a lie. It was a lie she had been telling herself to make this easier and not make herself seem pathetic.
"I kept her because she's part you," she shrugged as she chewed on her lip. "She's part you and I just wanted some part of you still. Something that wouldn't just leave me," she said as she shook her head. "And I kind of also had hopes of having a brown eyed child," she teased just to lighten her own mood now.
Zac swallowed hard as he listened to Avery. He could tell from her words that his leaving had cut her deep and that he may never be able to get forgiveness from her but he could try, "I'm sorry," he said as he looked at her. "I'm sorry I left like I did. I was stupid and I just wanted..I wanted to try so hard with Brenda. I wanted to run from what I felt for you and go back to what was familiar."
"I get that," Avery said honestly because she figured that was part of the reasons she had went back to Taylor. He was familiar to her. He was someone she knew well and she knew what to expect with him. "But you should have though about how you leaving would affect me. How my life would have been."
"I should have but I can't change the past," Zac said as he leaned over to kiss her cheek softly. "I can change things now though," he said as his lips went to her ear and he kissed it as well. "I want to be here for you and our baby."
Avery closed her eyes as Zac kissed her cheek and then her ear, "You haven't even asked her name," she sighed as she moved away from him some. "The first step in wanting to be here. You should know her name."
Raising an eyebrow Zac just looked at Avery feeling like she was deliberately trying to push him away, "What's her name?" he asked curiously seeing the baby open it's eyes and look at him. As it did he couldn't help but grin knowing he had helped make that baby.
"Stella Rosa," Avery said once she saw Stella open her eyes.
Zac grinned more as he heard the baby's name, "Can I hold her?" he asked hoping that Avery said yes.
Nodding Avery handed Stella to him and she chewed her lip hoping that action didn't make Stella cry. The first time she had let Taylor hold her Stella had threw the worst fit ever and showed off her lungs.
Zac took the baby from Avery and he just admired her as he held her in his arms. She was so tiny and he was almost afraid of breaking her, "Hey there Stelly," he cooed to her as he made a funny face. "I'm your daddy which means I helped make you," he said as he looked over at Avery to see her roll her eyes at him. "I helped make you and I love you," he whispered before kissing her forehead.
It was after he kissed her forehead that he broke out singing Brown Eyed Girl by Van Morrison. It was something he had to blame Avery for.
"You know she doesn't have brown eyes," Avery told him as she raised an eyebrow surprised that he could sing. She hadn't heard him sing but he had a really good voice.
"But she will," Zac said as he took a break from singing and looked at Avery. "My Stelly will have brown eyes just like me and her beautiful mama," he smiled before turning to look down at Stella again and finish the song.
As he sang Avery just smiled and she knew in that moment even though Zac had hurt her so badly that she still loved him. She had never loved anyone, not even Taylor, like she loved Zac.
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Waking with a jolt as she heard Stella crying, Avery looked around her and saw that she was in her hospital room but there was no Zac instead when she looked over towards the bassinet Stella had been sleeping in she saw a tired looking Taylor getting her out.
Taylor who had gotten Stella out turned to look at Avery seeing her awake, "You better take her," he sighed as he shook his head. "She never stops fussing when I hold her," he said knowing he had tried once before when Avery had been asleep. Luckily Jolene had been there and taken her so she'd stop fussing.
Avery laughed but took the baby from him, "Hey there Stelly," she said as she began to move her slowly in her arms. "Are you hungry?" she asked knowing it was time for another feeding. "Yeah I think you are hungry Stelly," she said as she adjusted her hospital gown some so she could feed Stella. She had breastfed both of the boys so with Stella it was now a piece of cake.
"Stelly?" Taylor asked curiously as he heard Avery refer to Stella as that. They had never decided on a nickname for her where as Jonah had always been little man and Charlie had always been Charlie buddy.
Nodding Avery looked over at Taylor once she got Stella situated, "I kind of like Stelly as a nickname," she smiled as she remembered her dream and how Zac had called her Stelly. He had specifically called her his Stelly and that still stuck with her and so now Stella to her was Stelly.
"Do you not like it?" she asked seeing Taylor make a face. She wasn't sure if she cared what Taylor thought of Stelly though because she was going to use it regardless.
Taylor contemplated her question, "I guess it's okay," he said as he eyed Stella as she fed. "My Stelly," he said as he smiled down at the baby who seemed to not even like him yet.
When Taylor called Stelly his Stelly, Avery couldn't help but have a pang of guilt especially since in her dream Zac had said the same thing. He had said My Stelly and just the thought of that dream made her sad because a part of her couldn't help but wish Zac was here but in the end he had chose to leave and she was too much of a coward to tell him about the baby or even ruin his relationship with Brenda.
"Yeah she is your Stelly," Avery smiled playing along with Taylor's words hoping that he couldn't see or hear just how hard that was for her to say. All she wanted was to hear Zac say those words and for it to actually be real but it never would be.
Avery sat in the hospital bed and grinned as she looked down at the little girl in her arms. The girl who had her daddy's smile and a set of blue eyes that Avery wasn't sure if they would change or stay that color. It was possible Stella could get blue eyes. After all Jolene had blueish green eyes and Avery's dad had blue eyes. Both her and Zac carried that gene.
Hearing the door open Avery looked up surprised when Zac walked in, "Z..Zac?" she asked feeling confused by his appearance in her room.
Zac nodded his head as he looked at Avery who sat in the hospital bed holding a baby in her arms. A baby that he knew was their baby. "My mom called me and told me," he said to her as he walked closer eventually coming to sit beside her on the bed. "She thought I should be here to see my daughter," he said as he looked at the baby in Avery's arms. It was a baby they had made out of love and a baby that he knew she hadn't even had to keep especially with how he had just left her like he did.
"I told her not to tell you," Avery sighed once Zac had sat down beside her on the bed.
"When does my mom ever listen?" Zac asked before laughing as he kept his eyes on the sleeping baby. A baby that he was still amazed was part him. He had never thought he'd get to have this since Brenda hadn't wanted children.
Avery rolled her eyes, "I guess you have a point," she spoke noticing Zac looking at their baby. "If she was awake right now you could see her blue eyes. I was kind of hoping for brown but I guess she is going to be a typical baby though hopefully they change. I've always wanted a brown eyed baby."
"So that's the only reason you had sex with me huh?" Zac asked slightly offended. "Just to get a brown eyed baby."
Again Avery rolled her eyes as she shook her head, "That isn't why I had sex with you at all and the baby wasn't even supposed to be a part of the equation," she told him knowing that she hadn't planned on another baby so soon in her life. "I wasn't even sure on keeping this one. I wanted to have an abortion."
"Why didn't you?" Zac asked her as he raised an eyebrow. "Why did you keep our baby?"
At Zac's question Avery wanted to do like she had done for most of her pregnancy. She had wanted to say she had kept this baby for Jolene. She had wanted to say she was keeping her to make Jolene happy but deep down she had always known that was a lie. It was a lie she had been telling herself to make this easier and not make herself seem pathetic.
"I kept her because she's part you," she shrugged as she chewed on her lip. "She's part you and I just wanted some part of you still. Something that wouldn't just leave me," she said as she shook her head. "And I kind of also had hopes of having a brown eyed child," she teased just to lighten her own mood now.
Zac swallowed hard as he listened to Avery. He could tell from her words that his leaving had cut her deep and that he may never be able to get forgiveness from her but he could try, "I'm sorry," he said as he looked at her. "I'm sorry I left like I did. I was stupid and I just wanted..I wanted to try so hard with Brenda. I wanted to run from what I felt for you and go back to what was familiar."
"I get that," Avery said honestly because she figured that was part of the reasons she had went back to Taylor. He was familiar to her. He was someone she knew well and she knew what to expect with him. "But you should have though about how you leaving would affect me. How my life would have been."
"I should have but I can't change the past," Zac said as he leaned over to kiss her cheek softly. "I can change things now though," he said as his lips went to her ear and he kissed it as well. "I want to be here for you and our baby."
Avery closed her eyes as Zac kissed her cheek and then her ear, "You haven't even asked her name," she sighed as she moved away from him some. "The first step in wanting to be here. You should know her name."
Raising an eyebrow Zac just looked at Avery feeling like she was deliberately trying to push him away, "What's her name?" he asked curiously seeing the baby open it's eyes and look at him. As it did he couldn't help but grin knowing he had helped make that baby.
"Stella Rosa," Avery said once she saw Stella open her eyes.
Zac grinned more as he heard the baby's name, "Can I hold her?" he asked hoping that Avery said yes.
Nodding Avery handed Stella to him and she chewed her lip hoping that action didn't make Stella cry. The first time she had let Taylor hold her Stella had threw the worst fit ever and showed off her lungs.
Zac took the baby from Avery and he just admired her as he held her in his arms. She was so tiny and he was almost afraid of breaking her, "Hey there Stelly," he cooed to her as he made a funny face. "I'm your daddy which means I helped make you," he said as he looked over at Avery to see her roll her eyes at him. "I helped make you and I love you," he whispered before kissing her forehead.
It was after he kissed her forehead that he broke out singing Brown Eyed Girl by Van Morrison. It was something he had to blame Avery for.
"You know she doesn't have brown eyes," Avery told him as she raised an eyebrow surprised that he could sing. She hadn't heard him sing but he had a really good voice.
"But she will," Zac said as he took a break from singing and looked at Avery. "My Stelly will have brown eyes just like me and her beautiful mama," he smiled before turning to look down at Stella again and finish the song.
As he sang Avery just smiled and she knew in that moment even though Zac had hurt her so badly that she still loved him. She had never loved anyone, not even Taylor, like she loved Zac.
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Waking with a jolt as she heard Stella crying, Avery looked around her and saw that she was in her hospital room but there was no Zac instead when she looked over towards the bassinet Stella had been sleeping in she saw a tired looking Taylor getting her out.
Taylor who had gotten Stella out turned to look at Avery seeing her awake, "You better take her," he sighed as he shook his head. "She never stops fussing when I hold her," he said knowing he had tried once before when Avery had been asleep. Luckily Jolene had been there and taken her so she'd stop fussing.
Avery laughed but took the baby from him, "Hey there Stelly," she said as she began to move her slowly in her arms. "Are you hungry?" she asked knowing it was time for another feeding. "Yeah I think you are hungry Stelly," she said as she adjusted her hospital gown some so she could feed Stella. She had breastfed both of the boys so with Stella it was now a piece of cake.
"Stelly?" Taylor asked curiously as he heard Avery refer to Stella as that. They had never decided on a nickname for her where as Jonah had always been little man and Charlie had always been Charlie buddy.
Nodding Avery looked over at Taylor once she got Stella situated, "I kind of like Stelly as a nickname," she smiled as she remembered her dream and how Zac had called her Stelly. He had specifically called her his Stelly and that still stuck with her and so now Stella to her was Stelly.
"Do you not like it?" she asked seeing Taylor make a face. She wasn't sure if she cared what Taylor thought of Stelly though because she was going to use it regardless.
Taylor contemplated her question, "I guess it's okay," he said as he eyed Stella as she fed. "My Stelly," he said as he smiled down at the baby who seemed to not even like him yet.
When Taylor called Stelly his Stelly, Avery couldn't help but have a pang of guilt especially since in her dream Zac had said the same thing. He had said My Stelly and just the thought of that dream made her sad because a part of her couldn't help but wish Zac was here but in the end he had chose to leave and she was too much of a coward to tell him about the baby or even ruin his relationship with Brenda.
"Yeah she is your Stelly," Avery smiled playing along with Taylor's words hoping that he couldn't see or hear just how hard that was for her to say. All she wanted was to hear Zac say those words and for it to actually be real but it never would be.
