Can't Win For Losing Chapter Nineteen
Taylor woke up in his bed as the alarm clock went out off beside him. Sitting up he looked over at the woman passed out beside him in bed. Ever since his talk with Avery he had lost any hope of his marriage ever getting fixed. He had lost hope of her deciding that what they had built for five years was worth more than whatever the hell she had with Zac that hadn't even been three months yet.
She had proven just how far their marriage had ever been on her priority list and that was why he had become like he had when Natalie had left him. He had resorted back to the party boy who went out clubbing though this time he did it after work and usually during his clubbing he'd find a woman and he'd fuck her. He had already had sex with Natalie in this bed who why not random women who happened to catch his eye.
Seeing the woman beside him stir as he looked at her and waited until she was fully awake before telling her to go. Telling her that he had to get to work and he really didn't want to spend all morning with her. That what had happened last night was fantastic but it would probably never happen again though when she gave him her number he accepted it with a fake smile and stayed in bed until she had dressed and left.
Shaking his head he then slipped out of bed and found some clothes before going to the bathroom. He hated what he was becoming but this was how he acted when things fell apart. He had done it when Natalie left and now that Avery was gone and he had no hope of her coming back he was doing it again. It was his way of trying to cope even if it was probably the wrong way to cope.
Hell Avery herself had been one of the girls he had used like that or well he was going too until the their date. Instead making a move on that first date that he had somehow conned the innocent seventeen year old into he had decided not to go all the way with her mainly because she had been innocent. He hadn't wanted to corrupt and hell he mowed her dad's lawn. He was afraid of her dad finding out he had broken his daughters heart and killing him.
Though in the end he guessed he had done worse. He had gotten her pregnant thanks to the fact that he finally did have sex with her on their second date. He had taken her virginity in the backseat of his car and she had let him and they had been careless then and careless every other time after that. It had only been three months into the whole thing that she had gotten pregnant.
"Fuck," Taylor hissed to himself as he felt the water of his shower turn cold. Stepping out he reached for a towel and dried off before going to the sink and looking at himself in the mirror. He hadn't shaved in months though some of his not shaving was because Avery had always said she preferred him beardy even though he thought he couldn't grow a beard to save his life.
Then after she left he hadn't felt like shaving. He barely had the effort to shower but thankfully he did make sure to shower every day. Tonight though when he got home he'd make an effort to shave too. It wasn't like he had to please Avery now or care about what she liked or didn't like.
Brushing his teeth in a hurry he then changed into his clothes and headed downstairs. On his way to the studio he'd grab breakfast so instead of going to the kitchen he went to grab his keys and headed out to his truck which he got in and started up driving the fifteen minutes to his studio. He had always been glad that he didn't work that far from home. He hated the long drives and he hated the traffic on the highways.
By the time he finally got to work he had a coffee in one hand and a biscuit from a cafe not far from his studio in the other hand. Letting himself in the studio he headed towards the back office and sat down in his chair. He had an hour before his first appointment and for now he'd spend that hour eating and going over some shoots he had taken yesterday that he hadn't got to look over before leaving work last night.
It was after he got his computer finally cut on that he heard the faint sound of the bell above his door and he rolled his eyes hoping that it wasn't someone coming in wanting a last minute session. Finishing his food he sipped on his coffee as he heard the footsteps of whoever had came in his studio as they came closer.
Turning his head eventually he froze when he found his brother Isaac standing in his doorway, "Figured you'd be at home with the wife and the newborn," he smiled eventually relaxing some now that he got used to his brother being here. He hadn't really seen Isaac much since Violet had been born.
"Needed a break," Isaac laughed as he went into the office and sat in the empty seat. "Not to mention mom is worried about you. She hasn't heard much from you either in days according to what she said on the phone last night," he said as he eyes his brother. "Is everything okay?"
Taylor shook his head, "Nothing is okay Ike," he sighed before taking another drink from his coffee cup. "My wife is done with our marriage and I'm falling apart," he laughed though it was bitter. "Tell me how I can be okay?"
Isaac frowned at his brother's words, "You'll get better eventually Tay," he said knowing that his brother would get back on his feet. "Relationships end and you eventually move on. That's how life works."
"But what if I don't want to move on?" Taylor asked his voice cracking as he let his sadness take over again. "What if I just want my family back?"
Shrugging Isaac wished he had words for that, "But Avery doesn't seem to want that does she?" he asked as he locked eyes with his younger brother and the look on Taylor's face let him know he was right. "You should move on then and if life brings her back it does and if it doesn't it doesn't but you can't sit and wallow in pity. You have two sons who need a father not a shell of the man he is."
At Isaac's words Taylor went silent and he knew his brother was right though he didn't want to admit it. If he admitted it then that would mean Avery wasn't the woman for him and he had spent five years of his life on something that was a waste even if it had brought him two wonderful boys out of it.
"I guess you are right," Taylor nodded finally admitting what he didn't want too. "I just don't know how to move on."
"It happens in steps," Isaac smiled before moving his chair closer to Taylor's. The moment he did his eyes widened as he saw Taylor's desktop background on his computer. There staring him in the eyes was his sister-in-law naked with her legs spread as she gave the camera a seductive smile. It was then he knew why Taylor found it hard to get over her or well maybe that was just his dick talking.
Taylor blushed some as he knew Isaac was looking at his desktop background, "Y..you weren't supposed to see that," he said pulling something up to cover his naked wife. "Avery's going to kill me if she knows you saw it."
"Trust me I'm not going to tell her," Isaac shook his head. "Though I do want to know how you talked her into it so I can do the same for Nikki."
Laughing now Taylor just shook his head at his brother. Right now was the happiest he had been since his last talk with Avery. It was also helping him forget just how messed up things were.
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Sitting at the college Zac ran a hand through his hair as he looked over some of the work the students had been turning in though his mind really wasn't on that. It was on Avery and the fact that he hadn't heard from her since last night. He should have known telling her what he had would ruin things but she had wanted to know and so he confessed. He should have just listened to his gut and lied or thought of a different story. At least then they'd still be talking and he wouldn't feel like he was losing his second chance at happiness since losing Brenda.
Hearing the door of his classroom open Zac looked up from what he had been looking at and he almost thought he was seeing a ghost. He almost thought he was hallucinating and he had to blink a few times before he realized it was neither and the person making their way towards him was really in the room.
"B...Brenda?" he asked his voice squeaking softly as he spoke.
Brenda nodded a smile forming on her lips as she took in the man she had dumped. The man who she had let go of without even really thinking. "It's me," she said as she came to a stop mere inches from him. "I've actually been in town for five days but I just mustered up the courage to find you today."
Zac let Brenda talk almost still feeling like he was dreaming though he knew he wasn't. She was really here and she was really in front of him. "What are you doing here?" he asked once he could speak. His tone was now harsh though as he remembered their last encounters and her dumping him. "Shouldn't you be with Steve?"
"Steve and I aren't together," Brenda informed him. "He dumped me because he thinks I still love you," she said as she smiled more as she thought of how right Steve was and standing here in front of Zac proved it. "He was right too. I do still love you and that's why I came all this way out here. I messed up Zac but I want you back."
Listening to Brenda say she wanted him back Zac felt like he was going to faint and he was glad he was sitting down already. Maybe at least if he did he wouldn't get hurt too bad. He had never expected her to admit she wanted him back just like he had never expected his self to still feel something for her but the moment she had stepped in the room he had found old feelings he had pushed aside coming back.
"You want me back?" he asked wanting to make sure he had heard her right.
Brenda nodded at his question, "I want you back Zac and I want you to be the man I settle down with. Heck you already were the man I was sort of settled down with but I was too blind to see it. I thought I needed someone closer to my age but he was more of a child than you ever were," she said as she thought of Steve. They had fought over everything while her life with Zac had been perfect. She had lead and he had followed and they rarely fought.
Swallowing Zac opened his mouth to answer her, opened his mouth to speak words that seemed willing to come out much easier now but the moment he did his phone buzzed on the table beside the stakc of papers he had been looking at previously. Making a face he looked away from Brenda and down at the phone. The caller i.d. said he was getting a call from Avery and he swallowed hard before looking back towards the woman in the room.
Watching Zac as his phone buzzed Brenda raised an eyebrow when Zac looked down at the phone then back up at her, "W..who is it?" she asked curiously seeing his face had paled some.
Zac chewed on his lip letting his phone finish ringing before he answered Brenda, "It was my girlfriend," he told her still referring to Avery as his girlfriend. Before he could see anything else his phone buzzed again and he looked down at it to see that Avery was calling again. "I have to answer it," he told her before picking it up and hitting talk.
Brenda made a face when she heard Zac answer her question and before she could say more she heard the phone ring again and Zac answered it.
"Zac?" Avery asked as she heard breathing on the other side of the phone.
"I'm here," Zac said to Avery his eyes staying on Brenda the whole time. "What did you want?"
Avery chewed on her lip before answering him, "I..I wanted to know if you are free tonight. I..I just I guess I missed having you here last night beside me when I slept," she confessed feeling her cheeks heat up. It was funny the things she had became used too in such a short amount of time. Though in a way she knew that it was more than just her being used to him. She just wasn't ready to admit what it was yet. "I need you and I don't think I care too much about the things you did in your past."
As Avery talked Zac looked away from Brenda finding that he was unable to look at her as Avery confessed to needing him and also that she didn't care about what he had done in his past. "I don't know if I am free tonight," he said honestly as he kept his gaze away from his ex. "But if I am I will be at your house tonight. I promise."
Smiling some at Zac's promise to be here at her house if he was free tonight Avery nodded though he couldn't see her, "Okay," she said hoping that she would see him. "I will see you later maybe," she said before hanging up.
Zac hung up his phone after Avery and he laid the phone back down before looking up at Brenda and he shook his head, "I have a girlfriend," he reminded her as he locked eyes with her.
"I heard," Brenda replied before crossing her arms over her chest. "Do you love her?"
"I do," Zac answered knowing he did love Avery even if seeing Brenda had reopened old wounds for him "I love her and she may not love me yet but I'm not going to just abandon her because you decided you messed up."
Brenda kept her arms crossed as she keep her face calm of any emotions she may have felt, "Just have dinner with me tonight Zac. Talk with me more before deciding on leaving her or not. I miss you and I want to be with you forever," she nodded knowing he had been planning on proposing before she dumped him. "I found the ring in the closet you know. If you asked me now I'd say yes."
Zac closed his eyes at her words. They words he would have killed to hear months ago, "Dinner it is," he said relenting to having dinner with her. It seemed with her all it took were just a few words. A few words or looks and he was that same boy she had whipped into submission all those years ago even if his mind kept reminding him that he had someone here who was much better but Avery didn't love him. At least with Brenda he knew she loved him now. She loved him and all he wanted was someone to love him.
Taylor woke up in his bed as the alarm clock went out off beside him. Sitting up he looked over at the woman passed out beside him in bed. Ever since his talk with Avery he had lost any hope of his marriage ever getting fixed. He had lost hope of her deciding that what they had built for five years was worth more than whatever the hell she had with Zac that hadn't even been three months yet.
She had proven just how far their marriage had ever been on her priority list and that was why he had become like he had when Natalie had left him. He had resorted back to the party boy who went out clubbing though this time he did it after work and usually during his clubbing he'd find a woman and he'd fuck her. He had already had sex with Natalie in this bed who why not random women who happened to catch his eye.
Seeing the woman beside him stir as he looked at her and waited until she was fully awake before telling her to go. Telling her that he had to get to work and he really didn't want to spend all morning with her. That what had happened last night was fantastic but it would probably never happen again though when she gave him her number he accepted it with a fake smile and stayed in bed until she had dressed and left.
Shaking his head he then slipped out of bed and found some clothes before going to the bathroom. He hated what he was becoming but this was how he acted when things fell apart. He had done it when Natalie left and now that Avery was gone and he had no hope of her coming back he was doing it again. It was his way of trying to cope even if it was probably the wrong way to cope.
Hell Avery herself had been one of the girls he had used like that or well he was going too until the their date. Instead making a move on that first date that he had somehow conned the innocent seventeen year old into he had decided not to go all the way with her mainly because she had been innocent. He hadn't wanted to corrupt and hell he mowed her dad's lawn. He was afraid of her dad finding out he had broken his daughters heart and killing him.
Though in the end he guessed he had done worse. He had gotten her pregnant thanks to the fact that he finally did have sex with her on their second date. He had taken her virginity in the backseat of his car and she had let him and they had been careless then and careless every other time after that. It had only been three months into the whole thing that she had gotten pregnant.
"Fuck," Taylor hissed to himself as he felt the water of his shower turn cold. Stepping out he reached for a towel and dried off before going to the sink and looking at himself in the mirror. He hadn't shaved in months though some of his not shaving was because Avery had always said she preferred him beardy even though he thought he couldn't grow a beard to save his life.
Then after she left he hadn't felt like shaving. He barely had the effort to shower but thankfully he did make sure to shower every day. Tonight though when he got home he'd make an effort to shave too. It wasn't like he had to please Avery now or care about what she liked or didn't like.
Brushing his teeth in a hurry he then changed into his clothes and headed downstairs. On his way to the studio he'd grab breakfast so instead of going to the kitchen he went to grab his keys and headed out to his truck which he got in and started up driving the fifteen minutes to his studio. He had always been glad that he didn't work that far from home. He hated the long drives and he hated the traffic on the highways.
By the time he finally got to work he had a coffee in one hand and a biscuit from a cafe not far from his studio in the other hand. Letting himself in the studio he headed towards the back office and sat down in his chair. He had an hour before his first appointment and for now he'd spend that hour eating and going over some shoots he had taken yesterday that he hadn't got to look over before leaving work last night.
It was after he got his computer finally cut on that he heard the faint sound of the bell above his door and he rolled his eyes hoping that it wasn't someone coming in wanting a last minute session. Finishing his food he sipped on his coffee as he heard the footsteps of whoever had came in his studio as they came closer.
Turning his head eventually he froze when he found his brother Isaac standing in his doorway, "Figured you'd be at home with the wife and the newborn," he smiled eventually relaxing some now that he got used to his brother being here. He hadn't really seen Isaac much since Violet had been born.
"Needed a break," Isaac laughed as he went into the office and sat in the empty seat. "Not to mention mom is worried about you. She hasn't heard much from you either in days according to what she said on the phone last night," he said as he eyes his brother. "Is everything okay?"
Taylor shook his head, "Nothing is okay Ike," he sighed before taking another drink from his coffee cup. "My wife is done with our marriage and I'm falling apart," he laughed though it was bitter. "Tell me how I can be okay?"
Isaac frowned at his brother's words, "You'll get better eventually Tay," he said knowing that his brother would get back on his feet. "Relationships end and you eventually move on. That's how life works."
"But what if I don't want to move on?" Taylor asked his voice cracking as he let his sadness take over again. "What if I just want my family back?"
Shrugging Isaac wished he had words for that, "But Avery doesn't seem to want that does she?" he asked as he locked eyes with his younger brother and the look on Taylor's face let him know he was right. "You should move on then and if life brings her back it does and if it doesn't it doesn't but you can't sit and wallow in pity. You have two sons who need a father not a shell of the man he is."
At Isaac's words Taylor went silent and he knew his brother was right though he didn't want to admit it. If he admitted it then that would mean Avery wasn't the woman for him and he had spent five years of his life on something that was a waste even if it had brought him two wonderful boys out of it.
"I guess you are right," Taylor nodded finally admitting what he didn't want too. "I just don't know how to move on."
"It happens in steps," Isaac smiled before moving his chair closer to Taylor's. The moment he did his eyes widened as he saw Taylor's desktop background on his computer. There staring him in the eyes was his sister-in-law naked with her legs spread as she gave the camera a seductive smile. It was then he knew why Taylor found it hard to get over her or well maybe that was just his dick talking.
Taylor blushed some as he knew Isaac was looking at his desktop background, "Y..you weren't supposed to see that," he said pulling something up to cover his naked wife. "Avery's going to kill me if she knows you saw it."
"Trust me I'm not going to tell her," Isaac shook his head. "Though I do want to know how you talked her into it so I can do the same for Nikki."
Laughing now Taylor just shook his head at his brother. Right now was the happiest he had been since his last talk with Avery. It was also helping him forget just how messed up things were.
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Sitting at the college Zac ran a hand through his hair as he looked over some of the work the students had been turning in though his mind really wasn't on that. It was on Avery and the fact that he hadn't heard from her since last night. He should have known telling her what he had would ruin things but she had wanted to know and so he confessed. He should have just listened to his gut and lied or thought of a different story. At least then they'd still be talking and he wouldn't feel like he was losing his second chance at happiness since losing Brenda.
Hearing the door of his classroom open Zac looked up from what he had been looking at and he almost thought he was seeing a ghost. He almost thought he was hallucinating and he had to blink a few times before he realized it was neither and the person making their way towards him was really in the room.
"B...Brenda?" he asked his voice squeaking softly as he spoke.
Brenda nodded a smile forming on her lips as she took in the man she had dumped. The man who she had let go of without even really thinking. "It's me," she said as she came to a stop mere inches from him. "I've actually been in town for five days but I just mustered up the courage to find you today."
Zac let Brenda talk almost still feeling like he was dreaming though he knew he wasn't. She was really here and she was really in front of him. "What are you doing here?" he asked once he could speak. His tone was now harsh though as he remembered their last encounters and her dumping him. "Shouldn't you be with Steve?"
"Steve and I aren't together," Brenda informed him. "He dumped me because he thinks I still love you," she said as she smiled more as she thought of how right Steve was and standing here in front of Zac proved it. "He was right too. I do still love you and that's why I came all this way out here. I messed up Zac but I want you back."
Listening to Brenda say she wanted him back Zac felt like he was going to faint and he was glad he was sitting down already. Maybe at least if he did he wouldn't get hurt too bad. He had never expected her to admit she wanted him back just like he had never expected his self to still feel something for her but the moment she had stepped in the room he had found old feelings he had pushed aside coming back.
"You want me back?" he asked wanting to make sure he had heard her right.
Brenda nodded at his question, "I want you back Zac and I want you to be the man I settle down with. Heck you already were the man I was sort of settled down with but I was too blind to see it. I thought I needed someone closer to my age but he was more of a child than you ever were," she said as she thought of Steve. They had fought over everything while her life with Zac had been perfect. She had lead and he had followed and they rarely fought.
Swallowing Zac opened his mouth to answer her, opened his mouth to speak words that seemed willing to come out much easier now but the moment he did his phone buzzed on the table beside the stakc of papers he had been looking at previously. Making a face he looked away from Brenda and down at the phone. The caller i.d. said he was getting a call from Avery and he swallowed hard before looking back towards the woman in the room.
Watching Zac as his phone buzzed Brenda raised an eyebrow when Zac looked down at the phone then back up at her, "W..who is it?" she asked curiously seeing his face had paled some.
Zac chewed on his lip letting his phone finish ringing before he answered Brenda, "It was my girlfriend," he told her still referring to Avery as his girlfriend. Before he could see anything else his phone buzzed again and he looked down at it to see that Avery was calling again. "I have to answer it," he told her before picking it up and hitting talk.
Brenda made a face when she heard Zac answer her question and before she could say more she heard the phone ring again and Zac answered it.
"Zac?" Avery asked as she heard breathing on the other side of the phone.
"I'm here," Zac said to Avery his eyes staying on Brenda the whole time. "What did you want?"
Avery chewed on her lip before answering him, "I..I wanted to know if you are free tonight. I..I just I guess I missed having you here last night beside me when I slept," she confessed feeling her cheeks heat up. It was funny the things she had became used too in such a short amount of time. Though in a way she knew that it was more than just her being used to him. She just wasn't ready to admit what it was yet. "I need you and I don't think I care too much about the things you did in your past."
As Avery talked Zac looked away from Brenda finding that he was unable to look at her as Avery confessed to needing him and also that she didn't care about what he had done in his past. "I don't know if I am free tonight," he said honestly as he kept his gaze away from his ex. "But if I am I will be at your house tonight. I promise."
Smiling some at Zac's promise to be here at her house if he was free tonight Avery nodded though he couldn't see her, "Okay," she said hoping that she would see him. "I will see you later maybe," she said before hanging up.
Zac hung up his phone after Avery and he laid the phone back down before looking up at Brenda and he shook his head, "I have a girlfriend," he reminded her as he locked eyes with her.
"I heard," Brenda replied before crossing her arms over her chest. "Do you love her?"
"I do," Zac answered knowing he did love Avery even if seeing Brenda had reopened old wounds for him "I love her and she may not love me yet but I'm not going to just abandon her because you decided you messed up."
Brenda kept her arms crossed as she keep her face calm of any emotions she may have felt, "Just have dinner with me tonight Zac. Talk with me more before deciding on leaving her or not. I miss you and I want to be with you forever," she nodded knowing he had been planning on proposing before she dumped him. "I found the ring in the closet you know. If you asked me now I'd say yes."
Zac closed his eyes at her words. They words he would have killed to hear months ago, "Dinner it is," he said relenting to having dinner with her. It seemed with her all it took were just a few words. A few words or looks and he was that same boy she had whipped into submission all those years ago even if his mind kept reminding him that he had someone here who was much better but Avery didn't love him. At least with Brenda he knew she loved him now. She loved him and all he wanted was someone to love him.
