Can't Win For Losing Chapter Eighteen
Avery sat on her couch in shock at what Taylor had confessed to her. He had sex with Natalie. He had finally went there and while she knew she shouldn't be angry because last night she too had sex with someone with someone else she was angry and she was hurt. She was hurt that of all people he had slept with Natalie the woman who had been part of the reason she had even really left Taylor in the other place. The other person responsible had been herself because she had wanted to try life without him.
"Why did you have sex with her?" she asked her voice not even rising an inch though she felt tears in her eyes. Not the sad kind of tears either. They were angry tears and she knew this made her a hypocrite. She really had no right to be angry but she was.
Taylor frowned slightly at Avery's reaction. It made the guilt he felt even worse, "I was drunk," he said knowing that didn't excuse why he had done it. "I was drunk and she was helping to get me in bed and it just happened."
"Oh so helping you to bed means fucking you?" Avery asked as she stood up from the couch and shook her head. "It means sleeping with you when you are going through a divorce?" she asked as she had to look away from him. "Being drunk is no damn excuse for messing up," she told him before looking back at him.
Avery had to say she was amazed at the things she was saying especially since it was apparent that Taylor did feel guilty. He had broke down before even telling her this and yet here she was not feeling guilty for even having sex with Zac and maybe that was why she was angry. She was angry because she was supposedly in love with her husband and yet she didn't feel guilty that she had sex with Zac last night. She didn't even have an ounce of regret.
When Taylor didn't answer her questions Avery crossed her arms, "You regret it don't you?" she asked him though she was sure she knew the answer.
"Of course I regret it," Taylor told her as he looked at her almost pleading with her to forgive him. He knew he was pathetic standing here wanting her forgiveness. They were getting a divorce and it's not like it should matter to her who he had sex with. "I regret it so much Ave," he spoke as he walked closer to her and put his hands on both of her cheeks making her look at him. "I love you and only you. That hasn't stopped just because of everything that's happened and damn it I could probably forgive you for the things you've done with Zac."
Avery swallowed hard when Taylor said he could probably forgive her for the things she had done with Zac. He still had no clue she had sex with Zac and to be honest she wasn't sure she wanted to tell him. Then he probably couldn't forgive her and that would just make her feel worse for not even regretting or feeling awful for what she had done.
"You can't forgive me," she finally spoke her words coming out in sobs as her emotions took over. "You are divorcing me because I can't give Zac up," she said as she uncrossed her arms and shook her head. "You can't even give me time to sort things out so I know you couldn't forgive me for what I have done with Zac."
Taylor let Avery talk and after she had he looked into her eyes, "I love you Avie and I could forgive you. It's not like you had sex with him. I'm the one who messed up there but maybe we can fix things," he nodded as he again almost looked at her like he was pleading. "We can fix things and we can work things out. I don't want Natalie and I'm sorry I messed up and I'm sorry I filed for divorce," he sighed just wanting things back to how they had been before their argument in the street after she had misheard his conversation with Natalie.
"Come home to me Avery," he said wanting her back home. "I need you there and I need the boys."
Closing her eyes at his words Avery felt her heart come to a stop as she thought of what she should do and again Jolene's words rang in her ears. For her to think of Zac before just making a decision and she knew she owed it to Zac to think of him. He loved her too and they had just made love last night. If things with Zac weren't this deep then maybe she could just give him her words right away but things with Zac were deep and she knew she refused to hurt Zac again like his ex had.
"I...I can't," Avery finally said as she opened her eyes and looked at Taylor. "I can't do that to Zac," she told him as she shook her head. "He'll be hurt and I don't want to hurt him."
Taylor looked at Avery feeling confused but he let his hands fall from her cheeks, "You love him don't you?" he asked knowing that yesterday she had said she hadn't but if she didn't want to hurt him she had to feel something for him.
Shaking her head no Avery felt tears in her eyes, "I love you," she said knowing her actions probably didn't show that. "I don't love him but I care enough about Zac to not want to hurt him and if I just ditch him it will hurt him," she nodded. "And I'm not ready to end whatever I have with him."
Feeling hurt by Avery's words Taylor nodded before laughing slightly, "I should go," he said before walking towards the door. "I'm sorry I even came here."
"Why did you come here?" Avery asked him as she watched him walk to the door. "What made you want to tell me that you slept with Natalie?"
Taylor stopped at the door as he heard Avery's questions, "Because I had hope in us," he said sadly. "I had hope that maybe this would be what helped us fix what was wrong but I was wrong," he frowned before opening the door and walking out.
Watching Taylor leave Avery felt tears come to her eyes before she fell down to the floor. She wasn't sure how long she was there but she did become aware of Jonah coming into the room and eventually coming to her and sitting down beside her. He had told her not to cry and that he hated seeing his mommy upset.
Not even saying anything to him she just pulled him into a hug and cried harder. She knew she was a fool for not going back to Taylor when he had given her that option. She was a fool for letting her marriage die but she had more than Taylor to think about. More than just Taylor's heart was at stake in whatever choice she made.
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After the talk with Taylor the days eventually passed. Days in which she had spent more time with Zac and her kids as well as working and also still attending his art classes. It was hectic maybe more so then when she had been with Taylor though nothing could beat the hecticness of her and Taylor's early years.
It was the fifth day after her talk with Taylor though that she had finally had a moment of peace. She was off of work and Zac had no classes that day so instead they had decided to spend the day together. They had taken the boys to the zoo an idea that had been Zac's and afterwards they had all went to eat at some pizza place. After they had gotten settled with the boys though was when she and Zac had decided to have some time alone to their selves.
Somehow Avery had conned Jessica into baby-sitting mainly cause she knew Joe had taken Hans on some trip with all the men in his family and she knew that Jessica missed having a kid to watch after. She had said as much the last time they had talked on the phone two days prior.
"Are you sure I am going to like this place?" Zac asked as Avery pulled her car into the parking space of some bar in town. Apparently one that she and Taylor had came to a few times. It was some country bar and he really wasn't sure he'd like it much. Especially since most of the people here were wearing cowboy boots and damn cowboy hats. After a few years in California he had just gotten used to hipsters.
Avery laughed as Zac's question brought her out of her thoughts, "They have beer," she told him as she shrugged. "If you don't like it just get shitfaced drunk," she nodded before getting out of her car. Once Zac too had gotten out she took his hand and lead him inside. Tonight was the first night that she had really went out with Zac downtown. It was a place she knew she could run into someone she knew or someone who happened to go to her dad's church. It was a big step for her but one she was ready to take.
"I guess the beer part sounds appealing," Zac smirked after he got out of the car and Avery had taken his hand. Truthfully the only kind of clubs he was used to where ones he went too with Brenda and he was sure they had all been a bit more x-rated than this one would be.
Letting Avery drag him inside Zac looked around and made a face as his ears were assaulted by really loud country music, "Let me guess this was your favorite place and your poor ex just had to sit and get drunk too?" he teased as Avery lead the way towards a booth not far from the damn jukebox that Zac was sure was playing the really loud music.
Avery shot Zac a playful glare as she dropped his hand once she got to the booth and she slipped inside, "Actually my ex is the one who brought me here for the first time," she informed him before smiling. "I even had to use a fake i.d. just to get a beer. I'm surprised it worked and I'm surprised we never got in throuble because most of the people at the time knew who I was or knew who my dad was."
Zac raised an eyebrow at her mentioning a fake i.d. "Well weren't you just the little rebel back then," he teased again before sliding in the booth beside her. "Maybe I underestimated who was supposed to be the bad one in this relationship."
When Zac called what they had a relationship Avery froze but instead choose not to say anything about it just yet. No she had waited until they had both ordered food and an alcoholic drink. She could handle this conversation if she had some alcohol in her system that much she knew.
"Are we in a relationship?" Avery finally asked after taking a drink from the beer she had ordered. "I mean you said you underestimated who was supposed to be the bad one in this relationship. So are we in one?"
Zac who had taken a bite of his food was surprised when Avery broke her silence. A silence that had started not long after he had said what she was questioning him on. Picking up the cup that contained his rum and coke he took a drink to help him swallow the food in his mouth before answering her.
"Do you not want us to be?" Zac asked countering her question with one of his own. "I mean I guess I just thought we were. We've kind of sort of mean together for weeks now and we just started having sex," he said knowing they had been having sex almost every night since he had finally given in and gave her what she wanted. "I guess I thought that meant we were in a relationship."
Avery took another drink of her beer after Zac asked her if she didn't want them to be in a relationship. Picking up her food she took a bite and tried to think of an answer. Tried to figure out how she truly felt about it. His reasons for thinking why they were in one made sense.
"So you consider me your girlfriend?" she asked feeling herself blush. She almost sounded like a school girl with her question.
Zac nodded at her question, "I would consider you my girlfriend yeah," he told her as he smiled some. His words were true too he did consider her his girlfriend even if he knew she didn't love him yet. She could fall in love with him one day. It could happen and hopefully it would.
"Then if I'm your girlfriend I want to know more about your past relationship and your secretive life," Avery said before locking eyes with Zac. She hadn't mentioned his past or asked him about it since the night in the back of his truck but now that they were sitting here talking relationships it was the first thing on her mind. Exactly what skeletons he had in his closet and what kind of lifestyle he lead. She felt like he knew almost everything about her life and it was only fair she knew about his.
"Or I refuse to call you my boyfriend," Avery finished as she flashed him a smile to let him know she was willing to do this relationship thing with him. She was willing to be his even if at the moment she didn't and couldn't say she was in love with him.
Swallowing hard at Avery's words Zac looked down and stared at what was left of his food, "You really don't want to know," he told her as he shook his head. He had always had intentions of telling her but now that he was put on the spot like this he was worried. He had spent time with her and he wasn't sure how she'd handle what he had to say mainly because she was much more innocent than him. She was innocent and she sure as hell didn't seem as kinky.
Yes she may have let him bite her neck now every time he came but that was mainly the only kinkiest thing she had shown interest in but then again he hadn't really mentioned other stuff he was into or even asking if he could do other things with her. Mainly because he was afraid of what she'd think. It seemed to him that during her five years of marriage when it came to her sex life she was very sheltered and used to a vanilla type sex life.
Avery shook her head, "I do want to know Zac," she said not sure why he was so hesitant to tell her this. "You know everything about me and about my relationship with Taylor. I think it's only fair I know about yours."
Zac just sighed before looking back up at Avery, "I met Brenda my first year of college. I was eighteen and young and incredibly naive," he laughed as he thought about that meeting. "She was on the campus looking for a job. She was looking to be a teacher there."
Staying silent as he started off Avery smiled some, "They sure hire young professors now."
"She wasn't that young," Zac shook his head. "She was twenty-six at the time. She didn't get the job though but that didn't matter to her. She eventually got a job teaching several months later at a local elementary school. By that time we had been dating for three months. I hadn't even been introduced yet to the type of life she lead."
Avery chewed her lip when she heard how old Brenda had been then and she knew now she'd be older. She'd be in her thirties and it was then she felt insecure again. Like how she used to feel sometimes with Taylor in the old days before she had came to realize that he didn't care she wasn't as experienced as him.
"Life she lead?" Avery finally asked as she willed herself to come out of her thoughts.
Zac nodded before feeling himself blush as he took a deep breath, "Brenda was a swinger," he admitted as he picked up his drink to take a long swig. He needed all the liquid courage he could get. "She didn't tell me about it until nine months in when she took me to a sex club that some of her friends would be at that night."
Hearing Zac's newest admission now Avery blushed and she had to look away from Zac. Suffice it to say she hadn't been expecting Zac to tell her this, "And you got into it too then?" she asked feeling her tone go soft as she tried to even picture Zac in a sex club. She knew what they were she had seen porno's in the past filmed at sex clubs and she had even looked into it once online purely to see what it was about.
She had been glad after that to know her husband wasn't that kinky because she wasn't sure she could go to places where you had sex in front of other people and she wasn't so sure she could willingly let a stranger have sex with her though then again maybe she could since she had been attracted to Zac before she sort of knew him. She realized now maybe she hadn't known him at all.
"I did," Zac confirmed as he smiled slightly afraid of what she was thinking now. "It was mostly women that Brenda knew. Women who were either engaged or dating mainly because Brenda knew I didn't want to sleep with married women. I just...I had more respect for a marriage than that though I guess some of those women could have been married...and Brenda well she slept with the other half of the couple though sometimes she'd just find a single friend of hers and watch me have sex with that friend. It turned her on to watch me having sex with someone else."
Avery again let Zac talk and as he did she picked up her beer taking the final drink, "But you came on to me while I was married," she told him as she raised an eyebrow. "Hell we had sex a few days ago and my divorce still isn't officially over to make me a free woman."
Zac just laughed at that, "You've made me break every damn rule I have Ave," he said as he shrugged. "I still sometimes go to those sex clubs," he added in deciding that she should know that too. "I..I was actually going to take you to one that day you had to go to the hospital because of your sister-in-law having her baby."
"Y...y..you were going to take me to a sex club?" Avery asked feeling pretty sure her face had paled at his words. They hadn't been what she was expecting and she wasn't sure how she felt about that idea. "Have you been there since we..you know I guess started dating?"
Shaking his head no at her last question Zac reached over and took her her hand in his, "I wouldn't go there unless you wanted too," he said knowing he wouldn't cheat on her willingly and he did consider him being with another woman cheating on her since he considered them to be in a relationship. "I'm not a cheater. I may have been a swinger when I was with Brenda and I may have engaged in sex with women at sex clubs after Brenda but I'm not going to cheat on someone."
Avery smiled some at his words feeling a bit at ease though she wasn't sure how to handle all of this new information she had on him. She wasn't sure if she liked it.
"I think I'm ready to go," Avery spoke as she took out her wallet and left enough money for a tip and enough for her half of the bill. A bill that Zac had offered to pay before the came here. Not saying anything else she walked out of the booth and quickly headed outside towards her car. She just wanted to leave and go home. She knew she'd need time to adjust to everything she now knew about Zac and she wasn't sure where this left them or their relationship they had maybe just established that they had.
Before she could make it to her car though she felt someone grab her wrist and she stopped walking as she turned to face Zac. Not saying anything to him she'd wait for him to speak since he was the one who had stopped her.
"You hate me now don't you?" Zac asked her after she had turned to face him. "You hate me and want nothing to do with me."
Shaking her head no Avery moved out of Zac's grasp, "I don't hate you," she told him as she ran a hand through her hair. "I think I need time to adjust to this new side of you I know though," she admitted honestly. "I need time to adjust to the fact that I'm a long line of many women you've fucked and I need time to stop being so insecure now," she sighed knowing that this new information just made her even more insecure more so than finding out how old Brenda was. How could she compare to tons of women? How could he even think she was good in bed when all she had was one sexual partner before him?
"Now I need to get home so I can get some sleep since I have to work tomorrow," she smiled sadly before walking back to her car and getting in. Once Zac was in she started her car and headed home.
As Avery drove Zac just sat in the passenger seat in silence. A silence that stayed the whole way to her apartment complex. When they made it there he unbuckled and got out and it was only then that Avery spoke. She had told him she'd rather he not stay tonight. She just wanted time to herself.
It was a request that Zac honored and he turned and got in his truck. As he drove off he couldn't help but regret the fact that he had even told Avery about his past. He regretted it because he feared that it had ruined things. It ruined whatever they had between them.
"She'll never want to see me again," Zac said to himself as he turned his radio up as he drove. It was playing some sad song that seemed to match his own emotions. He feeling rejected and pushed aside. He was feeling like he had lost the one good thing he had since Brenda.
Avery sat on her couch in shock at what Taylor had confessed to her. He had sex with Natalie. He had finally went there and while she knew she shouldn't be angry because last night she too had sex with someone with someone else she was angry and she was hurt. She was hurt that of all people he had slept with Natalie the woman who had been part of the reason she had even really left Taylor in the other place. The other person responsible had been herself because she had wanted to try life without him.
"Why did you have sex with her?" she asked her voice not even rising an inch though she felt tears in her eyes. Not the sad kind of tears either. They were angry tears and she knew this made her a hypocrite. She really had no right to be angry but she was.
Taylor frowned slightly at Avery's reaction. It made the guilt he felt even worse, "I was drunk," he said knowing that didn't excuse why he had done it. "I was drunk and she was helping to get me in bed and it just happened."
"Oh so helping you to bed means fucking you?" Avery asked as she stood up from the couch and shook her head. "It means sleeping with you when you are going through a divorce?" she asked as she had to look away from him. "Being drunk is no damn excuse for messing up," she told him before looking back at him.
Avery had to say she was amazed at the things she was saying especially since it was apparent that Taylor did feel guilty. He had broke down before even telling her this and yet here she was not feeling guilty for even having sex with Zac and maybe that was why she was angry. She was angry because she was supposedly in love with her husband and yet she didn't feel guilty that she had sex with Zac last night. She didn't even have an ounce of regret.
When Taylor didn't answer her questions Avery crossed her arms, "You regret it don't you?" she asked him though she was sure she knew the answer.
"Of course I regret it," Taylor told her as he looked at her almost pleading with her to forgive him. He knew he was pathetic standing here wanting her forgiveness. They were getting a divorce and it's not like it should matter to her who he had sex with. "I regret it so much Ave," he spoke as he walked closer to her and put his hands on both of her cheeks making her look at him. "I love you and only you. That hasn't stopped just because of everything that's happened and damn it I could probably forgive you for the things you've done with Zac."
Avery swallowed hard when Taylor said he could probably forgive her for the things she had done with Zac. He still had no clue she had sex with Zac and to be honest she wasn't sure she wanted to tell him. Then he probably couldn't forgive her and that would just make her feel worse for not even regretting or feeling awful for what she had done.
"You can't forgive me," she finally spoke her words coming out in sobs as her emotions took over. "You are divorcing me because I can't give Zac up," she said as she uncrossed her arms and shook her head. "You can't even give me time to sort things out so I know you couldn't forgive me for what I have done with Zac."
Taylor let Avery talk and after she had he looked into her eyes, "I love you Avie and I could forgive you. It's not like you had sex with him. I'm the one who messed up there but maybe we can fix things," he nodded as he again almost looked at her like he was pleading. "We can fix things and we can work things out. I don't want Natalie and I'm sorry I messed up and I'm sorry I filed for divorce," he sighed just wanting things back to how they had been before their argument in the street after she had misheard his conversation with Natalie.
"Come home to me Avery," he said wanting her back home. "I need you there and I need the boys."
Closing her eyes at his words Avery felt her heart come to a stop as she thought of what she should do and again Jolene's words rang in her ears. For her to think of Zac before just making a decision and she knew she owed it to Zac to think of him. He loved her too and they had just made love last night. If things with Zac weren't this deep then maybe she could just give him her words right away but things with Zac were deep and she knew she refused to hurt Zac again like his ex had.
"I...I can't," Avery finally said as she opened her eyes and looked at Taylor. "I can't do that to Zac," she told him as she shook her head. "He'll be hurt and I don't want to hurt him."
Taylor looked at Avery feeling confused but he let his hands fall from her cheeks, "You love him don't you?" he asked knowing that yesterday she had said she hadn't but if she didn't want to hurt him she had to feel something for him.
Shaking her head no Avery felt tears in her eyes, "I love you," she said knowing her actions probably didn't show that. "I don't love him but I care enough about Zac to not want to hurt him and if I just ditch him it will hurt him," she nodded. "And I'm not ready to end whatever I have with him."
Feeling hurt by Avery's words Taylor nodded before laughing slightly, "I should go," he said before walking towards the door. "I'm sorry I even came here."
"Why did you come here?" Avery asked him as she watched him walk to the door. "What made you want to tell me that you slept with Natalie?"
Taylor stopped at the door as he heard Avery's questions, "Because I had hope in us," he said sadly. "I had hope that maybe this would be what helped us fix what was wrong but I was wrong," he frowned before opening the door and walking out.
Watching Taylor leave Avery felt tears come to her eyes before she fell down to the floor. She wasn't sure how long she was there but she did become aware of Jonah coming into the room and eventually coming to her and sitting down beside her. He had told her not to cry and that he hated seeing his mommy upset.
Not even saying anything to him she just pulled him into a hug and cried harder. She knew she was a fool for not going back to Taylor when he had given her that option. She was a fool for letting her marriage die but she had more than Taylor to think about. More than just Taylor's heart was at stake in whatever choice she made.
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After the talk with Taylor the days eventually passed. Days in which she had spent more time with Zac and her kids as well as working and also still attending his art classes. It was hectic maybe more so then when she had been with Taylor though nothing could beat the hecticness of her and Taylor's early years.
It was the fifth day after her talk with Taylor though that she had finally had a moment of peace. She was off of work and Zac had no classes that day so instead they had decided to spend the day together. They had taken the boys to the zoo an idea that had been Zac's and afterwards they had all went to eat at some pizza place. After they had gotten settled with the boys though was when she and Zac had decided to have some time alone to their selves.
Somehow Avery had conned Jessica into baby-sitting mainly cause she knew Joe had taken Hans on some trip with all the men in his family and she knew that Jessica missed having a kid to watch after. She had said as much the last time they had talked on the phone two days prior.
"Are you sure I am going to like this place?" Zac asked as Avery pulled her car into the parking space of some bar in town. Apparently one that she and Taylor had came to a few times. It was some country bar and he really wasn't sure he'd like it much. Especially since most of the people here were wearing cowboy boots and damn cowboy hats. After a few years in California he had just gotten used to hipsters.
Avery laughed as Zac's question brought her out of her thoughts, "They have beer," she told him as she shrugged. "If you don't like it just get shitfaced drunk," she nodded before getting out of her car. Once Zac too had gotten out she took his hand and lead him inside. Tonight was the first night that she had really went out with Zac downtown. It was a place she knew she could run into someone she knew or someone who happened to go to her dad's church. It was a big step for her but one she was ready to take.
"I guess the beer part sounds appealing," Zac smirked after he got out of the car and Avery had taken his hand. Truthfully the only kind of clubs he was used to where ones he went too with Brenda and he was sure they had all been a bit more x-rated than this one would be.
Letting Avery drag him inside Zac looked around and made a face as his ears were assaulted by really loud country music, "Let me guess this was your favorite place and your poor ex just had to sit and get drunk too?" he teased as Avery lead the way towards a booth not far from the damn jukebox that Zac was sure was playing the really loud music.
Avery shot Zac a playful glare as she dropped his hand once she got to the booth and she slipped inside, "Actually my ex is the one who brought me here for the first time," she informed him before smiling. "I even had to use a fake i.d. just to get a beer. I'm surprised it worked and I'm surprised we never got in throuble because most of the people at the time knew who I was or knew who my dad was."
Zac raised an eyebrow at her mentioning a fake i.d. "Well weren't you just the little rebel back then," he teased again before sliding in the booth beside her. "Maybe I underestimated who was supposed to be the bad one in this relationship."
When Zac called what they had a relationship Avery froze but instead choose not to say anything about it just yet. No she had waited until they had both ordered food and an alcoholic drink. She could handle this conversation if she had some alcohol in her system that much she knew.
"Are we in a relationship?" Avery finally asked after taking a drink from the beer she had ordered. "I mean you said you underestimated who was supposed to be the bad one in this relationship. So are we in one?"
Zac who had taken a bite of his food was surprised when Avery broke her silence. A silence that had started not long after he had said what she was questioning him on. Picking up the cup that contained his rum and coke he took a drink to help him swallow the food in his mouth before answering her.
"Do you not want us to be?" Zac asked countering her question with one of his own. "I mean I guess I just thought we were. We've kind of sort of mean together for weeks now and we just started having sex," he said knowing they had been having sex almost every night since he had finally given in and gave her what she wanted. "I guess I thought that meant we were in a relationship."
Avery took another drink of her beer after Zac asked her if she didn't want them to be in a relationship. Picking up her food she took a bite and tried to think of an answer. Tried to figure out how she truly felt about it. His reasons for thinking why they were in one made sense.
"So you consider me your girlfriend?" she asked feeling herself blush. She almost sounded like a school girl with her question.
Zac nodded at her question, "I would consider you my girlfriend yeah," he told her as he smiled some. His words were true too he did consider her his girlfriend even if he knew she didn't love him yet. She could fall in love with him one day. It could happen and hopefully it would.
"Then if I'm your girlfriend I want to know more about your past relationship and your secretive life," Avery said before locking eyes with Zac. She hadn't mentioned his past or asked him about it since the night in the back of his truck but now that they were sitting here talking relationships it was the first thing on her mind. Exactly what skeletons he had in his closet and what kind of lifestyle he lead. She felt like he knew almost everything about her life and it was only fair she knew about his.
"Or I refuse to call you my boyfriend," Avery finished as she flashed him a smile to let him know she was willing to do this relationship thing with him. She was willing to be his even if at the moment she didn't and couldn't say she was in love with him.
Swallowing hard at Avery's words Zac looked down and stared at what was left of his food, "You really don't want to know," he told her as he shook his head. He had always had intentions of telling her but now that he was put on the spot like this he was worried. He had spent time with her and he wasn't sure how she'd handle what he had to say mainly because she was much more innocent than him. She was innocent and she sure as hell didn't seem as kinky.
Yes she may have let him bite her neck now every time he came but that was mainly the only kinkiest thing she had shown interest in but then again he hadn't really mentioned other stuff he was into or even asking if he could do other things with her. Mainly because he was afraid of what she'd think. It seemed to him that during her five years of marriage when it came to her sex life she was very sheltered and used to a vanilla type sex life.
Avery shook her head, "I do want to know Zac," she said not sure why he was so hesitant to tell her this. "You know everything about me and about my relationship with Taylor. I think it's only fair I know about yours."
Zac just sighed before looking back up at Avery, "I met Brenda my first year of college. I was eighteen and young and incredibly naive," he laughed as he thought about that meeting. "She was on the campus looking for a job. She was looking to be a teacher there."
Staying silent as he started off Avery smiled some, "They sure hire young professors now."
"She wasn't that young," Zac shook his head. "She was twenty-six at the time. She didn't get the job though but that didn't matter to her. She eventually got a job teaching several months later at a local elementary school. By that time we had been dating for three months. I hadn't even been introduced yet to the type of life she lead."
Avery chewed her lip when she heard how old Brenda had been then and she knew now she'd be older. She'd be in her thirties and it was then she felt insecure again. Like how she used to feel sometimes with Taylor in the old days before she had came to realize that he didn't care she wasn't as experienced as him.
"Life she lead?" Avery finally asked as she willed herself to come out of her thoughts.
Zac nodded before feeling himself blush as he took a deep breath, "Brenda was a swinger," he admitted as he picked up his drink to take a long swig. He needed all the liquid courage he could get. "She didn't tell me about it until nine months in when she took me to a sex club that some of her friends would be at that night."
Hearing Zac's newest admission now Avery blushed and she had to look away from Zac. Suffice it to say she hadn't been expecting Zac to tell her this, "And you got into it too then?" she asked feeling her tone go soft as she tried to even picture Zac in a sex club. She knew what they were she had seen porno's in the past filmed at sex clubs and she had even looked into it once online purely to see what it was about.
She had been glad after that to know her husband wasn't that kinky because she wasn't sure she could go to places where you had sex in front of other people and she wasn't so sure she could willingly let a stranger have sex with her though then again maybe she could since she had been attracted to Zac before she sort of knew him. She realized now maybe she hadn't known him at all.
"I did," Zac confirmed as he smiled slightly afraid of what she was thinking now. "It was mostly women that Brenda knew. Women who were either engaged or dating mainly because Brenda knew I didn't want to sleep with married women. I just...I had more respect for a marriage than that though I guess some of those women could have been married...and Brenda well she slept with the other half of the couple though sometimes she'd just find a single friend of hers and watch me have sex with that friend. It turned her on to watch me having sex with someone else."
Avery again let Zac talk and as he did she picked up her beer taking the final drink, "But you came on to me while I was married," she told him as she raised an eyebrow. "Hell we had sex a few days ago and my divorce still isn't officially over to make me a free woman."
Zac just laughed at that, "You've made me break every damn rule I have Ave," he said as he shrugged. "I still sometimes go to those sex clubs," he added in deciding that she should know that too. "I..I was actually going to take you to one that day you had to go to the hospital because of your sister-in-law having her baby."
"Y...y..you were going to take me to a sex club?" Avery asked feeling pretty sure her face had paled at his words. They hadn't been what she was expecting and she wasn't sure how she felt about that idea. "Have you been there since we..you know I guess started dating?"
Shaking his head no at her last question Zac reached over and took her her hand in his, "I wouldn't go there unless you wanted too," he said knowing he wouldn't cheat on her willingly and he did consider him being with another woman cheating on her since he considered them to be in a relationship. "I'm not a cheater. I may have been a swinger when I was with Brenda and I may have engaged in sex with women at sex clubs after Brenda but I'm not going to cheat on someone."
Avery smiled some at his words feeling a bit at ease though she wasn't sure how to handle all of this new information she had on him. She wasn't sure if she liked it.
"I think I'm ready to go," Avery spoke as she took out her wallet and left enough money for a tip and enough for her half of the bill. A bill that Zac had offered to pay before the came here. Not saying anything else she walked out of the booth and quickly headed outside towards her car. She just wanted to leave and go home. She knew she'd need time to adjust to everything she now knew about Zac and she wasn't sure where this left them or their relationship they had maybe just established that they had.
Before she could make it to her car though she felt someone grab her wrist and she stopped walking as she turned to face Zac. Not saying anything to him she'd wait for him to speak since he was the one who had stopped her.
"You hate me now don't you?" Zac asked her after she had turned to face him. "You hate me and want nothing to do with me."
Shaking her head no Avery moved out of Zac's grasp, "I don't hate you," she told him as she ran a hand through her hair. "I think I need time to adjust to this new side of you I know though," she admitted honestly. "I need time to adjust to the fact that I'm a long line of many women you've fucked and I need time to stop being so insecure now," she sighed knowing that this new information just made her even more insecure more so than finding out how old Brenda was. How could she compare to tons of women? How could he even think she was good in bed when all she had was one sexual partner before him?
"Now I need to get home so I can get some sleep since I have to work tomorrow," she smiled sadly before walking back to her car and getting in. Once Zac was in she started her car and headed home.
As Avery drove Zac just sat in the passenger seat in silence. A silence that stayed the whole way to her apartment complex. When they made it there he unbuckled and got out and it was only then that Avery spoke. She had told him she'd rather he not stay tonight. She just wanted time to herself.
It was a request that Zac honored and he turned and got in his truck. As he drove off he couldn't help but regret the fact that he had even told Avery about his past. He regretted it because he feared that it had ruined things. It ruined whatever they had between them.
"She'll never want to see me again," Zac said to himself as he turned his radio up as he drove. It was playing some sad song that seemed to match his own emotions. He feeling rejected and pushed aside. He was feeling like he had lost the one good thing he had since Brenda.
