Stained Red Chapter Twenty-Two
Natalie sat down on the couch as she reached for the remote to turn the tv on. She had finally gotten all the kids down for the night and she just wanted to relax. She just wanted to forget about he conversation with Diana and the fact that she felt horrible about herself. She already knew she was horrible but she hatted feeling horrible.
Just as she had the tv on though she groaned as a knock came on the door. "Whoever that is it better be god damn important," she muttered to herself as she stood from the couch and walked to the door. Opening it she forced a smile as she came face to face with Taylor. He was last on her list of candidates she had hoped would be at the door. Sadly the first on her list was Zac as he always gave her the least drama especially right now.
"What do I owe the pleasure of being graced with your presence?" Natalie asked as she moved aside so Taylor could come in. "I mean I haven't seen you in three months I could have went another three and been fine."
Taylor glared at Natalie's words as he stepped inside of her house, "You haven't seen me because you chose to pull away and I chose to be nice and let you," he sighed as he turned to face her once he heard her shut the door. "But my mom called me tonight and told me you confessed everything to her. From Theo being mine to the new baby," he finished as his eyes landed on her stomach and the bump that was beginning to show. A bump that was because of his baby..a baby he had created with her.
"Of course she called you," Natalie muttered as she rolled her eyes. She should have known Diana would call Taylor. She had probably called Isaac too and hell if Natalie was even more lucky she'd call Zac as well. "So are you here to bitch at all my misdeeds? Are you here to remind me I'm a horrible person for using your brother or for lying to everyone and making them believe Isaac was the father of Theo?"
Taylor ran a hand through his hair as he let Natalie rant. He knew it was best to let her rant then just make her worse by interrupting her. "No I am not here for all of that. Mom explained your reasons to me okay. I understand that I wasn't the best option for being a dad then. Hell I'm not sure I'm any better now to be honest," he laughed trying to lighten the mood. "I just wanted to come by and see if you are alright. Mom sounded kind of pissed and I know how she can be when pissed."
Natalie shrugged her attitude towards Taylor softening just a bit, "I am okay," she nodded as she headed into the living room. "Your mom just made me face reality. I'm a bad person and I've never been worthy of Isaac's love for me. I'll never be worthy."
"That's not true," Taylor told her as he followed her into the living room. "You've changed from the girl you were. You've changed from the girl who made those teenage mistakes," he nodded knowing she had. "Mom's just being an overprotective mama bear. You'd do the same if it was Theo or Henry or Audrey who had been hurt or lied too."
Shaking her head as she sat down Natalie frowned, "But I can't because I've lied to my own child child. I've let Theo believe for ten years that Isaac is his dad when I knew there was a chance he wasn't. I could have told the truth a long time ago and he could've grown up knowing you as his dad once everything was sorted out."
Frowning after Natalie spoke, Taylor looked away from her as he sat down beside her, "I would've been a horrible father back then," he sighed using his words from earlier. "I would have probably messed shit up with as addicted to drugs as I was. It would've made me worse," he nodded knowing having a baby back then would have just made his addiction worse. "You chose a man who could be better than me. At least Isaac's only addiction was alcohol and he knows how to control it around the kids. I couldn't have done that around Theo then."
"Zac would have been a good dad too," Natalie said as she looked down at her hands. Her rings were still in the car where she had taken them off earlier and now she almost felt naked without them.
"He'd just gotten Kate back and he was a baby himself. God I can't even imagine the ways a teenage Zac would have fucked up a kid," Taylor laughed some as he turned to look at Natalie. "You made the choice that made the most sense Nata. You did what a scared eighteen year old girl would do and you made the best choice you could for your baby."
Natalie closed her eyes as Taylor again called her Nata much like he had the night they had made the baby she was now pregnant with. It still felt weird hearing him use the nickname that only Isaac had used until recently. "I could've told Isaac sooner. I didn't have to keep the lie up with him for ten years. I could have told him after I realized I loved him."
Taylor rolled his eyes as Natalie mentioned being in love with Isaac. Just hearing her admit her love for him still made him hurt even if he had started to cope with Natalie not feeling the same for him, "Yeah well you can't take things back. You just have to move forward and make things better," he smiled hoping that he could make her stop feeling sorry. "Isaac knows the truth and I know the truth. Everyone knows now except for Theo."
Natalie nodded hoping Taylor was right. Maybe she could make things better somehow. "W..when do you want to tell Theo?" she asked knowing that they'd have to tell him at some point. "He does to deserve to know the truth."
"Tomorrow maybe," Taylor spoke not sure if he was ready for telling the truth. "Isaac should be here but who knows when he'll be back."
"Theo's pissed he is gone," Natalie added in as she frowned at that thought. "Isaac's always been a good parent but Theo is pissed he is gone."
Taylor frowned too at that comment because he did know Isaac had been a good father. Isaac was a good dad and even though Theodore was his son he never wanted to steal Isaac's child. He still wanted Theo to know and be in Isaac's life. He still wanted Isaac to help raise him. It was just Natalie that he had wanted.
"Do you think if he knows the truth it will make him worse?" Taylor asked finally breaking the silence which he had created. "I really don't want to make him worse.
Natalie laughed sarcastically at Taylor's question, "Of course it will make him worse. He's a ten year old boy who is growing and horomonal," she muttered as she shook her head. "But he's gonna be angry no matter when he finds out so tomorrow sounds good. Just maybe have your mom call Isaac and let him know."
"I will," Taylor smiled slightly feeling a bit nervous now at the thought of telling Theodore. It was still hard for him to process he was a dad to a ten year old. "H..how is this pregnancy?" he asked letting his eyes fall to her bump again.
Feeling Taylor's eyes on her stomach Natalie put her hand on it, "This pregnancy hasn't been a cake walk. I had morning sickness up until last week but really it should have been called all day sickness. I guess our newest son just wants to make mommy suffer."
When Natalie said their newest son Taylor couldn't help but smile more, "Another boy?" he asked as he looked away from the bump.
"Yeah another boy," Natalie nodded as she moved her hand down on her belly some when she felt the baby kicking. "I found out last month. I guess I'm doomed to be outnumbered by boys but at least I have Audrey."
Laughing Taylor reached out and put his hand on her stomach, "What can I say? Hanson men are good at producing boys."
"And being assholes," Natalie teased as she winked at him. Somehow joking with him just felt natural. It felt natural to be around him..something she hadn't felt with Isaac in awhile.
"And that too," Taylor conceded as he chewed on his lip. As he looked into her eyes he couldn't help but see something though he wasn't sure what it was. "I..I'm sorry about kissing you the last time I saw you," he apologized feeling like he needed too. "I know that's part of the reason Isaac is gone and I feel bad for that.
Natalie listened as Taylor apologized and she forced a smile. She had never felt like he should apologize for what he had wanted. "I accept but you shouldn't have to apologize for something you wanted Taylor."
"But you didn't want it," Taylor countered as he crossed his arms. "You didn't want it and it probably made things with Isaac's paranoia worse."
"It did," Natalie confirmed as she nodded her head in response. "But you were right about what you said to me. Isaac is familiar to me and maybe I am scared of trying someone new. I love him but ever since having sex with you and being confronted by you I've been second guessing the fact of whether or not I'm in love with him though I'm also not sure I'm in love with you either," she finished being entirely honest.
Taylor sat there in silence as he listened to Natalie, "So what are you going to do about that?" he asked curiously as he looked over at her. "How are you going to find out whether you love him or not?"
"I know I love him," Natalie muttered correcting Taylor. "Loving him and being in love with him are two different things. As for how I am going to figure that out. I don't know," she shrugged as she looked down and away from Taylor. At least in this moment she could be honest and say she felt as terrible as Diana thought she was. What woman wasn't sure if they weren't in love with the man they married?
Isaac was a good man that much was true and he had taken on so much shit she had put him through. More than anyone deserved. He truly deserved better and she owed him the decency to find a way to see if she loved him. She owed him enough to let him go for good if she didn't. Maybe his time away was a good thing because maybe she could somehow figure out just what her heart wanted.
Chewing his lip as she spoke Taylor looked at her. He knew of a way to help her out though he wasn't sure she'd like it but that didn't stop. Instead he leaned over pressing his lips to hers hoping and praying she didn't end up slapping him for this kiss.
Natalie sat down on the couch as she reached for the remote to turn the tv on. She had finally gotten all the kids down for the night and she just wanted to relax. She just wanted to forget about he conversation with Diana and the fact that she felt horrible about herself. She already knew she was horrible but she hatted feeling horrible.
Just as she had the tv on though she groaned as a knock came on the door. "Whoever that is it better be god damn important," she muttered to herself as she stood from the couch and walked to the door. Opening it she forced a smile as she came face to face with Taylor. He was last on her list of candidates she had hoped would be at the door. Sadly the first on her list was Zac as he always gave her the least drama especially right now.
"What do I owe the pleasure of being graced with your presence?" Natalie asked as she moved aside so Taylor could come in. "I mean I haven't seen you in three months I could have went another three and been fine."
Taylor glared at Natalie's words as he stepped inside of her house, "You haven't seen me because you chose to pull away and I chose to be nice and let you," he sighed as he turned to face her once he heard her shut the door. "But my mom called me tonight and told me you confessed everything to her. From Theo being mine to the new baby," he finished as his eyes landed on her stomach and the bump that was beginning to show. A bump that was because of his baby..a baby he had created with her.
"Of course she called you," Natalie muttered as she rolled her eyes. She should have known Diana would call Taylor. She had probably called Isaac too and hell if Natalie was even more lucky she'd call Zac as well. "So are you here to bitch at all my misdeeds? Are you here to remind me I'm a horrible person for using your brother or for lying to everyone and making them believe Isaac was the father of Theo?"
Taylor ran a hand through his hair as he let Natalie rant. He knew it was best to let her rant then just make her worse by interrupting her. "No I am not here for all of that. Mom explained your reasons to me okay. I understand that I wasn't the best option for being a dad then. Hell I'm not sure I'm any better now to be honest," he laughed trying to lighten the mood. "I just wanted to come by and see if you are alright. Mom sounded kind of pissed and I know how she can be when pissed."
Natalie shrugged her attitude towards Taylor softening just a bit, "I am okay," she nodded as she headed into the living room. "Your mom just made me face reality. I'm a bad person and I've never been worthy of Isaac's love for me. I'll never be worthy."
"That's not true," Taylor told her as he followed her into the living room. "You've changed from the girl you were. You've changed from the girl who made those teenage mistakes," he nodded knowing she had. "Mom's just being an overprotective mama bear. You'd do the same if it was Theo or Henry or Audrey who had been hurt or lied too."
Shaking her head as she sat down Natalie frowned, "But I can't because I've lied to my own child child. I've let Theo believe for ten years that Isaac is his dad when I knew there was a chance he wasn't. I could have told the truth a long time ago and he could've grown up knowing you as his dad once everything was sorted out."
Frowning after Natalie spoke, Taylor looked away from her as he sat down beside her, "I would've been a horrible father back then," he sighed using his words from earlier. "I would have probably messed shit up with as addicted to drugs as I was. It would've made me worse," he nodded knowing having a baby back then would have just made his addiction worse. "You chose a man who could be better than me. At least Isaac's only addiction was alcohol and he knows how to control it around the kids. I couldn't have done that around Theo then."
"Zac would have been a good dad too," Natalie said as she looked down at her hands. Her rings were still in the car where she had taken them off earlier and now she almost felt naked without them.
"He'd just gotten Kate back and he was a baby himself. God I can't even imagine the ways a teenage Zac would have fucked up a kid," Taylor laughed some as he turned to look at Natalie. "You made the choice that made the most sense Nata. You did what a scared eighteen year old girl would do and you made the best choice you could for your baby."
Natalie closed her eyes as Taylor again called her Nata much like he had the night they had made the baby she was now pregnant with. It still felt weird hearing him use the nickname that only Isaac had used until recently. "I could've told Isaac sooner. I didn't have to keep the lie up with him for ten years. I could have told him after I realized I loved him."
Taylor rolled his eyes as Natalie mentioned being in love with Isaac. Just hearing her admit her love for him still made him hurt even if he had started to cope with Natalie not feeling the same for him, "Yeah well you can't take things back. You just have to move forward and make things better," he smiled hoping that he could make her stop feeling sorry. "Isaac knows the truth and I know the truth. Everyone knows now except for Theo."
Natalie nodded hoping Taylor was right. Maybe she could make things better somehow. "W..when do you want to tell Theo?" she asked knowing that they'd have to tell him at some point. "He does to deserve to know the truth."
"Tomorrow maybe," Taylor spoke not sure if he was ready for telling the truth. "Isaac should be here but who knows when he'll be back."
"Theo's pissed he is gone," Natalie added in as she frowned at that thought. "Isaac's always been a good parent but Theo is pissed he is gone."
Taylor frowned too at that comment because he did know Isaac had been a good father. Isaac was a good dad and even though Theodore was his son he never wanted to steal Isaac's child. He still wanted Theo to know and be in Isaac's life. He still wanted Isaac to help raise him. It was just Natalie that he had wanted.
"Do you think if he knows the truth it will make him worse?" Taylor asked finally breaking the silence which he had created. "I really don't want to make him worse.
Natalie laughed sarcastically at Taylor's question, "Of course it will make him worse. He's a ten year old boy who is growing and horomonal," she muttered as she shook her head. "But he's gonna be angry no matter when he finds out so tomorrow sounds good. Just maybe have your mom call Isaac and let him know."
"I will," Taylor smiled slightly feeling a bit nervous now at the thought of telling Theodore. It was still hard for him to process he was a dad to a ten year old. "H..how is this pregnancy?" he asked letting his eyes fall to her bump again.
Feeling Taylor's eyes on her stomach Natalie put her hand on it, "This pregnancy hasn't been a cake walk. I had morning sickness up until last week but really it should have been called all day sickness. I guess our newest son just wants to make mommy suffer."
When Natalie said their newest son Taylor couldn't help but smile more, "Another boy?" he asked as he looked away from the bump.
"Yeah another boy," Natalie nodded as she moved her hand down on her belly some when she felt the baby kicking. "I found out last month. I guess I'm doomed to be outnumbered by boys but at least I have Audrey."
Laughing Taylor reached out and put his hand on her stomach, "What can I say? Hanson men are good at producing boys."
"And being assholes," Natalie teased as she winked at him. Somehow joking with him just felt natural. It felt natural to be around him..something she hadn't felt with Isaac in awhile.
"And that too," Taylor conceded as he chewed on his lip. As he looked into her eyes he couldn't help but see something though he wasn't sure what it was. "I..I'm sorry about kissing you the last time I saw you," he apologized feeling like he needed too. "I know that's part of the reason Isaac is gone and I feel bad for that.
Natalie listened as Taylor apologized and she forced a smile. She had never felt like he should apologize for what he had wanted. "I accept but you shouldn't have to apologize for something you wanted Taylor."
"But you didn't want it," Taylor countered as he crossed his arms. "You didn't want it and it probably made things with Isaac's paranoia worse."
"It did," Natalie confirmed as she nodded her head in response. "But you were right about what you said to me. Isaac is familiar to me and maybe I am scared of trying someone new. I love him but ever since having sex with you and being confronted by you I've been second guessing the fact of whether or not I'm in love with him though I'm also not sure I'm in love with you either," she finished being entirely honest.
Taylor sat there in silence as he listened to Natalie, "So what are you going to do about that?" he asked curiously as he looked over at her. "How are you going to find out whether you love him or not?"
"I know I love him," Natalie muttered correcting Taylor. "Loving him and being in love with him are two different things. As for how I am going to figure that out. I don't know," she shrugged as she looked down and away from Taylor. At least in this moment she could be honest and say she felt as terrible as Diana thought she was. What woman wasn't sure if they weren't in love with the man they married?
Isaac was a good man that much was true and he had taken on so much shit she had put him through. More than anyone deserved. He truly deserved better and she owed him the decency to find a way to see if she loved him. She owed him enough to let him go for good if she didn't. Maybe his time away was a good thing because maybe she could somehow figure out just what her heart wanted.
Chewing his lip as she spoke Taylor looked at her. He knew of a way to help her out though he wasn't sure she'd like it but that didn't stop. Instead he leaned over pressing his lips to hers hoping and praying she didn't end up slapping him for this kiss.
